Coping with triggers for rape and sexual abuse survivors

Surviving to Thriving: Coping with Triggers, Flashbacks and Panic Attacks for Survivors of Sexual Violence

Triggers, Panic Attacks And Flashbacks

After I was raped, I was surprised to find myself being reminded of the experience constantly. These reminders, which I soon found out were called triggers, were incredibly intrusive. A simple word sometimes can still leave me feeling anxious or sad. When I heard my rapist's very common last name spoken over a loudspeaker, I was brought back into my bedroom, screaming for Bill. Even things were not related to the attack brought on panic attacks. For instance, I woke up late for work one morning and found myself in the midst of a terrifying panic attack. Simply feeling out of control had brought those feelings out in me again. It takes hard work to learn to cope with these feelings, but we are capable of understanding and mastering them.

Flashbacks | Panic Attacks | Sleeping and Nightmares | Questions for Dealing With Triggers

Flashbacks

Flashbacks occur when a we are triggered to remember what happened. A flashback can be a terribly frightening experiencing, involving all of the senses. Many survivors say that they can see, hear, smell and feel everything that had happened to them during a flashback. After a traumatic experience, it is not unusual for us to block part of the memory, banish it from consciousness. Sometimes a forgotten memory of rape or abuse will resurface in the form of a flashback, which can be particularly terrifying and confusing. Often, flashbacks have something to tell us and they present themselves to let us know that part of the trauma is waiting to be resolved. If you are having flashbacks, I urge you to find a safe place to think about them or talk about them. Counseling is an especially important option, since flashbacks can be a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

Dealing With Flashbacks

Recognize what triggers flashbacks for you. Our triggers are all personal. For some friends, drinking out of a bottle can trigger a flashback. Others say that hearing words spoken during the rape or abuse can cause a flashback. For me, hearing "Me and A Gun" can send me right into one.
I carry a rock with me when I'm feeling triggery and when I have a flashback, it helps to hold onto it because it provides a sense of stability.
Try to remind yourself of your surroundings. Open your eyes and look around, telling yourself that you are safe can help
After the flashback is over, try to understand it. They are terrifying, but usually a sign that we are ready to remember and feel the emotions connected to what has happened to us.

Panic Attacks

A panic or anxiety attack is a radical and quick acting physiological reaction the human body can have when we feel fear. As people who have know true and profound fear we survivors are more prone to them than most. If you have them, you are not alone. Most survivors have had them.

Signs of A Panic Attack

Your heart may be beating quickly or seem to be skipping beats.

You may have difficulty breathing or catching your breath.

Constant shaking and/or twitching

You may feel like you can't think straight, like you can't make decisions or have too many thoughts bouncing around in your head.

Your mouth may become dry and you may find it hard to swallow.

You may feel ingling in the hands, feet or other parts of the body (I get it in my back)

Tense muscles, clenched jaws.

There are many more, but these are some of the major ones. Keep in mind, you don't need to have all of these to be having a panic attack. A friend of mine only has difficulty breathing but she was diagnosed as having panic attacks. If you have some of these symptoms I hope you'll talk to a counselor about them.

Thoughts on Confronting Panic Attacks

It's OK to be having them. It doesn't make you wierd or abnormal. You'd be surprised at how many people have them. In fact, I had dinner with three other girlfriends and told them about my panic attacks, and they all told me that they also have panic attacks. We decided that only boring people don't have them.
Many of us fear having one in public, at work or school etc. First of all, even though you feel like you are going nuts, there are few outward symptoms. If you are scared of having one in public give yourself permission to go to the bathroom and spend some time by yourself.
A lot of people are terrified of having them. Look at it as practice, to gain control of them and learn techniques to deal with them, what works, what doesn't. Fearing them gives the panic reaction more power over you than it deserves.
Putting pressure on yourself to deal with them RIGHT now is not a great idea. It makes them worse. Try and give yourself permission to have them wherever you are. Find a quiet place, go to the bathroom, go outside. Do whatever makes you comfortable.
If you are going to be in a stressful situation and fear panicking, it may help to visualize yourself going through the experience calmly before it actually occurs.

If You are Panicking

Take deep breaths from the stomach, not the lungs. Lie down and watch your tummy move up and down to practice these deep breaths. Someone gave the tip of lying down with a book on your stomach and watching the book. I don't remember who, but I can't take credit for this brilliant idea.
I try to stay focused on my breathing, by counting the breaths or just thinking.
I might inhale and thing "Focused" Exhale and think "Centered"
Sometimes I inhale and think "It's going to be..." Exhale..."Okay"
Simple repetitive tasks can help. At work, I used to make flashcards for my students, which is dull but focusing. One good idea might be to organize all of the change in your pockets. Put the pennies in year order, then the nickels, then the dimes, then the quarters. Just a stupid non-thinking but focusing task. Count how many people are wearing red and how many are wearing blue and compare the numbers.
Herbal remedies have helped me. Lavendar essential oil is a very calming scent. I used to wear it constantly. In addition, I like Rescue Remedy, which is a natural solution for stressful moments. However, my doctor did prescribe medication for me and I carried it around with me for months, just in case I had an attack.

While you try these it's important to think positively. Thinking "Why isn't this working? It has to start working!" doesn't help and makes the situation worse. It may take a few minutes, it may take more. That doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong. It just means that it's taking time. Also, getting to know your physical symptoms helps. I know that the first sign of an attack is tingling in my back, and my hair standing up on end. If that happens, I start breathing right away, making tea for myself or trying a herbal remedy.

Sleeping and Nightmares

After my rape, I had a lot of difficulty falling asleep and when I finally did my sleep was sometimes interrupted by nightmares. I've found that this is really common among survivors. Most of us experience these problems at some point in time in our healing.

Sleeping Tips

Wake early to exercise. I find that going to they gym in the evening gives me enough energy to start my whole day again.

Make sure you use your bedroom for sleeping only. If you live in a college dormitory or with your family, try to use your desk for activities like studying and reading.

Make a bedtime ritual. I usually drink a cup of Celestial Seasoning's Sleepytime Extra. It has herbs in it to aid sleep, but since it is a ritual, I feel like it sends my body a signal saying, "Sleep is coming."

Some people find that natural remedies, like Valerian, Kava Kava and Melatonin, which can be found at your health food store help. Others find that melatonin, in particular, causes nightmares.

Avoid caffienated beverages in the afternoon.

Alcohol might make you fall asleep, but you'll probably wake up after long, so try to avoid drinking before bed.

Avoid exciting activities before bed. Watching exciting movies or playing competitive games doesn't put most of us in the mood for sleep.

Lock your bedroom door if it makes you feel safer. Sometimes, I'll picture people I love standing outside the door, ready to protect me. Silly, I know, but it helps me feel safe.

Daydream when you get into bed. I usually day dream about being at the beach, watching the sunset, which sometimes brings me into a dream.

Relax each muscle, starting with your feet, and working up to the rest of your body.

Sleep with a stuffed animal!. It's not silly. I sleep with Puppy and I know a lot of other people who have their favorite friends accomany them to bed.

Wear lavendar oil to bed. It's a really calming scent. I dab it onto my pillowcases and there are lavendar washes that you can buy to scent your sheets, like this one.
If you have difficulty falling asleep or sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, make sure that a quiet, relaxing activity is available to you, like a rather dull book. Try doing this instead of lying in bed awake.

Nightmares

After I was raped, I was often woken up by nightmares. The most common one I had was of an attacker outside of my bedroom door or standing above my bed, but I had lots of other more complex and difficult ones. Reliving the trauma through or dreams is a common and normal, though unpleasant, part of the healing process. I hope you'll find these ideas helpful.

When you wake up, write the nightmare down.
Alternately, you could try drawing or painting it. I'm not artistic, so this idea wouldn't work for me, but it has for others.
Usually, when I am awoken by a bad dream, I'll try to imagine it ending differently. For instance, when I dream that there is someone outside my door, I'll look around and wake up enough to feel safe. Then I immediately put my head down and imagine that my dog is chasing the attacker out of the house. Usually this will become a dream and I'll end up falling asleep.
At other times, I'm able to somehow consciously control my dream without ever waking up.
Talk about them with a trusted friend or counselor. Talking about them can give them less control over us.
Try to understand them. They are an important part of healing and usually have something to tell us about any unresolved feelings we have Understanding our nightmares and dreams can be a step towards identifying these emotions and resolving them. You can do this just by thinking about what the nightmare meant to you, or by looking at dream books to find the symbolism in them.

Questions

Triggers are difficult to face because they can produce extraordinarily difficult reactions in us, ranging from discomfort and anxiety to panic attacks or flashbacks. However, most of us would like to live without being triggered, which can require us to confront our triggers and really work on them. Below are questions meant to aid you in understanding and facing your triggers.

What specifically triggers you? Our triggers are all unique. Some women find that phrases the abuser used are triggering, while others find that places, smells or sights provoke a response.
How are these triggers affecting you? Nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts can all be signs that we are being triggered.
Which triggers produce the biggest response? Which triggers provoke a milder response? It may help to actually rate them.
How do these triggers interfere with your life? Some people find that they avoid specific places where they are likely to be triggered. Others find that they do not go out often to avoid a trigger response.
Which triggers interfere with your life the most? Which ones interfere the least?
Which triggers are probably unsafe? Which triggers are safe to work on? For instance, going out alone at night produces anxiety in some survivors and this may be very unsafe. Going to the grocery store might produce the same reaction, but it is probably safe.
Can you evaluate your trigger? For instance, I was initially frightened to go to work, but after thinking about the worst that could happen and the likelihood of that happening, I decided that it was a safe place for me to start. This kind of evaluation process can help with all sorts of triggers.
After thinking about your triggers, which ones can you manage to work on at the moment? It's probably not a great idea to work on the most difficult to face trigger, because those are tough.
How can you work on facing the trigger safely? Sometimes it helps to actually imagine yourself handling a situation that triggers you, like going to a crowded place, before you actually do it.
Can you make a plan to keep yourself feeling safe while you do? I have worked on a lot of triggers with the help of a counselor or my partner, which helps me feels prepared when I am facing a trigger.
How did you feel as you faced your trigger? It may have been uncomfortable, but could you do it again? What helped? What made you feel more uncomfortable?

I hope these suggestions help you. Panic attacks, nightmares, and flashbacks feel horrible, but you can overcome them

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Triggers, Panic Attacks And Flashbacks

Contents

Flashbacks

Panic Attacks

Sleeping and Nightmares

Questions