Linda's Story
Its hard for me to talk about this but I was sexually assaulted at work by a coworker We were doing rounds and checking on patients when he got me in the room alone and touched my chest then he shoved his arm down my pants and pushed his fingers in me then he made me get up on the sink and forced my legs apart and pushed his fingers in again I was afraid to fight him for fear he would hurt me even worse. I tried to get away and he grabbed my arm then he tried to make me perform oral sex on him. I have nightmares every night of it happening I remember being on top of the sink when he was inside of me and I remember trying to put it out of mind what was happening and wishing someone would walk in and help me nobody did. Im still trying to get over it I get depressed I want to harm myself sometimes I have awful flashbacks. Im able to type it but unable to talk about it verbally
Tracey's Story
IN 1980, I WAS ONLY ELEVEN. MY BEST FRIEND DIED AT THE AGE OF 13 ON MY BIRTHDAY FROM ANOREXIA. HER FATHER WAS DATING MY AUNT FOR YEARS. HE WAS A PART OF OUR FAMILY. ON FEBRUARY 12TH 1980 I WAS OVER HIS HOUSE WATCHING TELEVISION WHILE MY AUNT WENT OUT SHOPPING AT SHOP RITE. PLEASE EXCUSE ME, I AM UNABLE TO REVEAL ALL THE DETAILS AS THEY ARE TOO PAINFUL. BUT, WHILE MY AUNT WAS AWAY, THIS MAN VIOLENTLY DOUBLE RAPED ME, STRANGLING ME, SMOOTHERING ME AND CAUSING ME TERRIBLE PAIN FOR WHICH I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. I FAINTED 3 TIMES THROUGHOUT THE RAPE. AT THE END I CRAWLED INTO THE BATHROOM AND BEGAN VOMITING VIOLENTLY. I WAS FORCED TO CLEAN MYSELF AND HIM. HE WALKED OUT AND WHEN MY AUNT CAME HOME I WAS IN THE BATHROOM SITTING UP AGAINST THE DOOR. HE TOLD HER I HAD BEEN SICK. THAT'S WHEN THE SILENCE BEGAN. I BELIEVED THAT I HAD THE STOMACH VIRUS AND FOR 24 YEARS THE MEMORY WAS SUPPRESSED CAUSING ME SEVERAL AILMENTS THROUGHOUT MY LIFE, ANOREXIA, ASTHMA, MIGRAIN HEADACHES, DEPRESSION ETC...
ON FEBRUARY 12TH OF THIS YEAR THE MEMORY CAME BACK TO ME AND FOR 4 MONTHS NOW I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING WITH FLASHBACKS, DISRUPTING MY LIFE AND WEARING ME TO WEAKNESS, FRUSTRATION, DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. THE FLASHBACKS ARE SO VIOLENT, THEY ARE AS IF THE RAPE IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW, I KICK AND PUNCH AND SCREAM, I FIGHT FOR MY LIFE. WHEN THEY ARE OVER I'M EXHAUSTED AND UNABLE TO COPE.
I'VE RECENTLY BEEN PUT ON RISPERDAL TO HELP CONTROL THE FLASHBACKS TO A BAD MEMORY FOR WHICH I CAN COPE WITH ON A CONSCIOUS LEVEL. IN THE MEANTIME I DONT FEEL NORMAL. I FEEL ALONE AND SCARED.
I HAVE 3 BEAUTIFUL BOYS AND A SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND AND I HATE TO SEE THE HURT IN THEIR EYES.
I'VE TRIED REACHING OUT TO THIS WEBSITE BUT I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO ACCESS THE CHAT ROOM. I REGISTERED BUT NEVER RECEIVED A RESPONSE THROUGH EMAIL.
I NEED TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE MYSELF.
SIGNED,
-DESPERATE AND CONFUSED
T's Story
I was driving to work last week and i started to cry. There was this song on the radio that i had heard a dozen times but this time the chorus part of the song was so loud- " I wanna heal/ i wanna feel". It was like he was singing to me. All of a sudden I was hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably. I got scared and felt like i was going to crash my car and die. I started praying and asking God to help me. When i finally made it to my job I called my mom. I was so scared but i told her that i had been molested for ten years by my cousin.
Around six years old until i was 16 i had been fondled and had oral sex with him. The weird thing about this is that i didn't even realize it was wrong until recently. I don't know what made me think that but i did. It was always just 'play-time' with him and i. i was always at his house because he and his mom lived with my gradfather and my family would always visit him. so while the adults were talking, we'd go and 'play'. i even have a scar on my knee from the furnest when i accidently brushed up against it while he was fondling me. what's weird about this is, i don't blame him. i believe he was also molested when he was younger. something happened to him--i mean, it had too, right?
So, i'm 26 now and i'm just coming to terms with it. i'm also determined to be a better person from this. i believe in my heart that i will. i just have to start the healing process.
thanks
-T
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