Kajal's Story
I never knew this will happen to me but when i faced this trauma i was literally dead.it has been two ywars.It started when i was doing my 3rd year mbbs.there was a boy named rahul.He use to stare me bu i never gave him a glance because i was really not interested.sometimes he would stand behind me in bus and his friends pushing him from behind,he would constantly brush his body against mine.One day he deliberately fell on me and put his hands over my breasts while getting up.this embarassed me and i slapped him.
two months later it was annual function.he along with aakash and hari had planned eveything.i was standing near a door.then suddenly one of them perhaps switched off the main switch and it was too dark to see anyone.in our college it takes 10 mins for the generator to start.but before it started ifound 2 handsholding me firmly from behind.Itried to scream but then someone started kissing me they dragged me into the room while still kissing me.he kissed me for about 15 mins and then before going licked whole of myface.
i was left crying but i couldnt complain becoz i had seen no one.the next when i was in my lab rahul came to me and told"ur upper lips were tasty now its time for lower ones".i wanted to complain but i had no proof.then one of my friends cheated me.Our college bus was late so anna told that lets go with hari.hari had been nice tome so i didnt mind.iwas feeling completely safe.then anna got out as her house came.itwa hardly 1 km from my home.but the as we were driving harigave lift to rahul.he sat on the backseat with me and told me"ur boobs are too big let me suck it.i was terrified i asked hari to plz stop the car,but hari started laughing and told i was the one holding u from behind.saying this he made the volume of the speakers very high so that nobody could hear my screams.rahul goton top of me and started savagely licking my face.then he tore away my top and pulled off my jeans and raped me hard.after he was done .he drove the car and hari raped me anally.forfour hours i was being raped in bright daylight.
-Kajal
Maria's Story
this happened to me two times when i was six and then at ten. the first time was with a friend of the family he was an 27 year old man he made me touch him in places i didn't want to but at that age i didn't really understand much then when i was ten my step grandfather did the same to me i used to go over my grandmas house for the weekends to go to church and thats when he felt the need to do what he had to all i remember is the touching the rest of the stuff i blocked out inorder to forget and move on but recently it all is starting to come back but my new boyfriend is so supportive he's helping me he's a great guy.i moved on i'm graduating this year and going to college in august i have a life to live.
Alle's Story
I was seven when I was first sexually abused; my best friend and I were manipulated by boys only four to six years older than us for two years. Family friends were the culprit, and the result is that nearly fourteen years later, I stll carry the guilt and the fear and the deep abiding shame. I wasn't a virgin by the time I reached third grade.
My friend and I reacted by performing the same sexual acts on each other. Our friendship died; neither of us could deal with the guilt, since both boys moved away after the most violent encounter and our 'play' was becoming dangerous.
Then Kree met me. I had known Kree for a very long time; her mother and my mother both worked together and she used to babysit me. She had to be three years older than me, though she had been held back for quite some time. One after noon she hung out at my house, and when the time came to take my nap, she snuggled in the bed next to me. I fell asleep. And woke up to a funny sensation.
She was performing cunnilingus on me.
I shudder to this day.
I begged her to stop, but she said she wouldn't, not until I reciprocated. I remember complying, but my mind was so far away from her, and anything else. I rushed out of my room after that, and drank tons of water. I wanted to throw up, but the fear of confrontation and confusion just made me silent.
If you were to ask any group of people with whom I have been acquainted what word best describes me, it would be 'dissociative'. I have learned how to completely block painful situations out of my life-because I need to be seen as normal. I'm desperate to just be nonchalant, ordinary.
Problem is, I don't know how to change.
Fast forward four years. The flashbacks were always around me, but I figured that I'd be okay. In eighth grade everything came undone. I confided my secret to my close friend's mother, who in turn told my parents. To be fair, I was going through a lot of behavioral problems that no one seemed to be able to understand. I was the smartest person in most of my classes, and well liked by my teachers, but that didn't prevent me from cursing out my teachers or harrassing my classmates. My parents' solution: talk to the pastor. I loved my pastor, he was funny and close with my parents. Too close
I couldn't. I was so scared that they'd know it all. I refused to even talk about it.
High school changes everything. I had moved by then, and found myself an entirely different person. I was so emotionally starved, I jumped into a painful relationship with a boy who just wanted sex. I knew that. I thought I wanted to feel. To feel anything other than the emptiness the memories brought. We were at his home one day, and we were watching "The Matrix". I had been struggling in being intimate with him. We fooled around, but he was peeved because I wouldn't let him, as in his words "give me pleasure". We started fooling around in his living room, but when I resisted, he tossed me on my stomach and began fingering me. I kept turning to look at him, and his eyes had the same far off look as my old abusers. I managed to keep my sanity until I started college. Then I snapped.
Which brings me to now. I'm talking to anyone who can help me, and I'm focusing on letting people see the real me. I was shattered, and was broken, but am finding the strength to create a new masterpiece. I wish the same for all who frequent this site, and who are struggling through the tears
-Alle
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