Anonymous' Story
I was raped. I am angry. Two people know. Now you know, too. I was raped and I am angry! I do not want to be silenced any more but I am scared of reactions. I am finally starting to *believe* that it is not my fault, this happened TO me it is not who I AM. It took me almost 2 years to make this realization. I sometimes feel like I am swelling up and eventually I am going to explode. I am so angry. I am angry at him. I am a little bit angry at myself, but I don't want to be angry at myself any more. Eventually I will be 100% angry at him. I am getting there.
I was raped! I am angry!
-Anonymous
My Pain's Story
LIKE 1 YEAR AGO I WAS HOME BY MYSELF AND I CALLED THIS GUY NAMED "T" AND WHEN HE CAME OVER HE HAD A COUPLE OF FRIENDS WITH HIM I WAS LIKE OK WHAT R THEY DOIN HEA HE WAS LIKE TO CHILL AND EVERYTHING U KNOW AND TO WATCH ME DO SUMIN TO U AND I HIT IHIM I WAS LIKE SHUT UP T U CRAZY AND HE STARTED LAUGHIN AND HE WAS LIKE OK OK BUT IM FOR REAL IM GETTIN REALLY SCARED AROUND THIS TIME AND SO HE GRABBED ME BY MY HAIR AND DRUG ME UPSTAIRS TO MY ROOM AND HE THREW ME ON THE BED AND WAS LIKE U KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS TO YOU CUZ THE OTHER GIRLS SEEMS TO BE JEALOUS OF U AND I TRIED MY HARDEST TO GET HIM OFF OF ME BUT THE MORE I FOUGHT BACK THE WORSER IT HURTS AND SO AFTER THAT HE HAD ME DOWN ON THE WITH MY HANDS OVER MY HEAD AND HE FORCED HIMSELF INSIDE OF ME AND HE RAPED ME I WAS BLEEDIN TO DEATH AND I WAS HURTIN FOR A WEEK AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY AND THE LAST TIME HE RAPED ME WAS LIKE 2 DAYS AGO AND TILL THIS VERY DAY MINUTES HOURS AND SECONDS I BE SCARED THAT HES WATCHING OVER ME AND I AM SO GLAD THAT U HAVE THIS WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN SHARE YOUR FEELINGS AND EVERYTHING ELSE TO THANKS
-My Pain
Jasmine's Story
Well here it goes.... I was raped May 5. I was 19 about to have my 20th b-day. I am now 21 going on 22. A week after my 18th B-day I moved to a bigger city about 4 hours away from the one I grew up in. I am very close to the nephew that is here (mainly my driving force). I was working at a company I started with when I moved here. This is were I first met him, he worked with my sister's boyfriend as a family counselor. My Co. on the side he said I looked familiar asked if I had a sister..blah,blah,blah. We continued to speak at work, I would help him out a lot, he and I seemed to get along well. I started to look at him as kind of a big brother. He was 42, married, with a 12 year old son. He looked out for me, even though I had grown up fast through childhood. I was still very innocent, I was a believer in religion. On May 4th he said he had a hell of a day did I want to grab a drink. Listen to some band. We were at this place for no longer than 20 min and I went to use the restroom. He slid a drink in front of me I had no more than a few drinks of it , and before I knew it I almost fell off the bar stool trying to stand up. Unfortunatly that is the last thing I remember untill waking up at 4am in a hotel room. I was laying on my stomach wrapped in the quilt. Starring at my clothes laying on the floor, I still couldnt put anything together I was so out of it. I turned my head over and he was laying on the other side of the bed fully dressed. I did'nt know what to do. I got up stayed rapped in the quilt and grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom. I came out and said I have to go home. I tryed to walk out the door and fell side ways the wall in the hall way cought me. He had to hold me up to get to the car. Nothing was being said in the car, and I couldnt take it anymore I had right to know. I asked him what the hell happened? He said what do you mean? Again what happened last night? He said nothing happened...not what I think. Later to find out by the detective that he payed in cash, then went back out to the car and carried me in. I was dropped off at my girlfriends house. I went in and layed down I cant explain the feeling it was strange I fell back asleep for a couple hours. I get up to use the restroom I was feeling very anxious, I was in a lot of pain and I was bleeding. My friend got up and said I was acting strage. I said nothing. She ask's what we did last night, I got tears in my eyes and told her I remember nothing, and I am bleeding.
She drove me to my sisters house and made me tell her. She hugged me and ran out of the room. She went and told her boyfriend all I heard in min was him running out of the house and down the stairs. My sister would not let me take a shower. And I then went to the ER were the nurse exzamined me. She confirmed it. I was a virgin. I completly fell apart, I knew but just hadnt heard it out loud. I was in denial for the first day or two, acting as normal as I could. I come from a family of six kids mainly boys. I finally told my mom over the phone I wouldnt let her tell any one else. Then one day I broke and told my brother he flew me home and I stayed with my mom for a month or more. My most angry moments are when I notice the effect he is still allowed to have on my life. I pressed charges and he spent a total of 3 days in jail. I am scared now because I dont feel about it any more. I guess my energy has really gone towards cleaning up the spiral I put my self in while subconsiously feeling it was my falt. I feel as though I have resorted to being a kid at times. I was more mature at 16 than I have been in the last year and a half. I went from a dreamer to a survivalist to a realist in just a matter of years. Out of all of it I miss me the most, the twinkle in my eye, that bounce I used to have in my step, the head I used to have on my shoulders. No matter how supportive people are (and my family was great). No one can say the right thing. I used to sit in my bathroom with no one home and look at my self. And just repeat you were raped, you were raped. And then I would give my self support out loud. I still feel like a stranger in my own body. Especially the way I treated it after the rape. Everything has been falling in to place once I stepped back and gave my self the power in all the healthy ways. Yah I still feel pretty empty, but doing good things in my life is not lettng him waist my time or talent any more. And it is helping me rebuild my spirit. By letting my self know I deserve good things it is allowing the protector that had to come out, is now able to bow down. Yes I get depressed, and I feel dead some times. But I choose to live not survive! I choose to love and laugh! I choose to not give him another day. He caused me to be raped a second time he has already taken to much. I choose to allow him no more. I give my self the power to cry when needed. And I give my self the power to be not ok at times. But it is my power!! And I love knowing that!!
Jasmine
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