Survivor Stories

Jen's Story

It was my fault, really...I was a party when I was 15, almost 16. One of the first times I drank. I'm a little girl, barely 95 lbs, so it doesn't take alot of alchohol to affect me. I think I had 4 mikes hard lemonades and a few shots of tequilla. I was sitting in the living room of this freezing cold apartment laying on my friend Joey. The world was spinning and spinning. I would laugh for no reason and he'd give me water and whisper nice words to me to lemme know the world was okay and I'd soon be okay. I fell asleep there and he left me. He had a curfew and had to go home. I woke up I don't know how much longer later in a room by myself. I walked into the kitchen and there was a guy I had never seen before there. He asked if I was okay and I didn't answer. Started to cry. He came over and held me. Carried me to the living room. I cried. It was awful. I wanted to yell couldn't find my voice. Wanted to be kissed but not by him not like this. His hands were everywhere touching and feeling. I said stop I did I know I did I tried to get away but I couldnt feel my legs anymore his fingers went inside me hurt me so much he pushed and pushed kissed me so hard stuck his tongue in my mouth and took off my pants running pants i wore running pants he didnt even have to unbutton them he moaned and groaned as the tears fell down my cheeks soo fast he rubbed me and whispered it would be okay but i couldnt concentrate it hurt so much him inside me like that i had never felt anyone this way before and it hurt it bled he left me alone didn't know me didn't know my name i went home and showered for what seemed like all of eternity my mom didn't notice i was throwing up puking crying...still to this day no one knows

-Jen

Collie's Story

My story is 30 years old, why do I tell it now its so long in the past. Recently its on my mind, more than on my mind. I recently had a miscarriage and am going through some grief I'm not sure what I'm grieving though the pain in my heart or the memory in my head.

When I was nine I was playing in a construction site located near my home. (One day this construction site would be my new school. I went there everyday for three years and everyday I remembered.) I remember picking up peices of wood and imagining all the things I could make with it. A security guard (I think he was) came along and told me to follow him. I did, he took me into the workers shed he was so angry at me. He told me he was going to call the police and tell my mom. I was so frightened. Now things are fuzzy I can his face near/on mine, I can smell sawdust (a scent that to this day makes my stomach turn to jelly) I can smell him.

but my memory of the events is unorganized, snipits really. I can feel weight on my body to heavy for me to support, I can see out the window wanting to be outside, I remember some pain but not what you would expect, I remember after, i remember he was gone and it was almost dark I remember being scared to go home, I remember looking for my panties. I remember walking home I remember going in the house and getting into hell for being so late and I remember sitting on my bed. Not crying just sitting. I never told. I didn't have that kind of family. Today I needed to tell this not face to face even after 30 years there is to much pain in the telling.

-Collie

Anonymous

This is very hard to do but it needs done sometime. It all started when I was 11. My dad was a big football fan and every Sunday he would have friends over for the games. Well this one Sunday in June he had 4 of his buddies over and they where watching the cheerleaders. I was a cheerleader in jr high school so my dad yelled for me to come in and show them how good of a cheerleader I was. So I put on my out fit and did some cheers for them. Then my dad said watch this she can do better then that. He then pulled me over to him and he yanked my panties off, then he told me to do cart wheels so my skirt would come up. I didnt know what to do. He said that if I didnt he would hurt my mom. So I did some cart wheels and all the guys were laughing and touching themselves. Eventually all my clothes were taken off.

I was crying and that didnt seem to affect them. Then one of the men made me sit on his lap, and he said to my dad I wonder how she can handle a 10 incher and my dad said lets find out. I was mortified when I saw his privates. I never seen anything like that before. I wish I never did. He made me bend over the couch as he spit on his hand. Then he shoved it inside of me and this went on forever it seemed i thought i was going to die it hurt so bad that i went numb. This happened with each one as they took there turn. After it was all over my dad said that I had earned my x-mas money. I have never been the same. Thank you for this site.

-Anonymous

Kelli's Story

My first sexual experience was between the age of newborn to the tender age of 2. At 2 my mother left my incestuous father, Lawrence Guy DeRush,..know him? I feel its important to put his name out there because I know I am not his only victim. When I was 5 I was having oral sex with teenage boys. The worst part of that is I felt comfortable and somehow loved. Its weird because I hadnt until recently considered that as a molestation. I thought because I sought it out and enjoyed it that it was concentual ????? Shows how crazy I think because of the abuse. My mother waited until I was 38 yrs old to tell me about my biological father who molested me. I never saw him again after we left when I was 2. I tried all the Search methods on the net. I want to stop him if he is still abusing children. I know he remarried which is scarry. I probably have 1/2 sisters or brothers out there and cant find them. Anyways that is sorta my story in a nutshell. I'm still pretty messed up after 25 yrs of therapy but I am better than when I started. Good Luck and God Bless all Survivors.

-Kelli