Emma's Story
i was subjected to 5 years of abuse between the ages of 12 and 17 by a family member who was only 2 years older than me. i kept it all bottled up throughout the 5 years until it all got to much for me and i tried to kill myself. i was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where i stayed for a month. i couldnt tell me parents the truth, they had brought this person into our house to bring them up as their own due to a family death. i made up a lie about being raped by a stranger on a night out with friends which they believed.
the first time something happened was while we were staying at my dads flat, its only a one bedroom so me and 'him' along with two mates and my brother all kipped in the front room. i was on the bed with 'him' and my brother while our mates kipped on the floor. i can remember waking up with strange sensations running through my body, like none i had felf before, i thought i was dreaming then when i looked 'he' had his hand down my shorts and was touching me. i moved his hand as soon as i realised but i had already experinced the beginings of an orgasm. 'He' had his eyes closed all the way through and didnt seem to acknowledge what he had been doing or me moving his hands. i turned over and cried. i felt sick and dirty, what if the other lads had heard me was also going through my mind. the next day he acted if nothing had happened so i thought maybe he had been asleep and didnt know he had done it. a couple of weeks had passed and he still asted like nothing had happened, i tried to forget as hard as that was. then one night when i was fast asleep i was woken up but him stroking me leg. he had taken my shorts of and was looking at my private parts. i froze, didnt know what to do. he had this look in his eye like a puppy dog eye, i still see that everynight, it was like he was trying to tell me that it was ok to be doing what he was doing. i wanted to scream but i couldnt move or speak. he whispered in my ear 'just lye back and enjoy' i started crying, i felt sick and i was so affraid. he stayed in my room for over 2 hours touching me, looking at me and touching himself. he eventually left but from that night on i have not slept and i still to this day watch the door at night time. it took another couple of weeks before he came in again, each time the abuse getting worse. i was raped both vaginally and anally, was made to give oral sex as well as touching him, he carried on touching me and giving me oral sex. he would force me into trying different positions everytime. he made me feel so small and worthless, told me that it was my fault as i led him on and if my parents ever found out they would dissown me. he had a huge hold on me and i couldnt stop him.
i think trying to kill myself was the best thing i could have done as it freed me of the actual abuse, he still lives in my home with my parents and treats my them as his own parents, i moved away 3 years ago but still have to go home sometimes and its so hard, even though i am receiving help and i know now that i had nothing to do with it he still manages to dissempower me. i know one day i will have the strengh to look him in the eye and give back some of the fear he gave me and that keeps me going.
-Emma
Kim's Story
was raped at the age of 15 by a boy whom I had been dating off and on. We had been sexually involved in the past, but one time I said "no." It was like he didn't even hear me, he kept insisting and, eventually, forced himself on to me. At the time, I was menstrating and had a tampon in, but it didn't matter. After it was over he took me home; I cried alone in my room and had to remove the tampon that he had forced so far in.
It wasn't until a few months later that I told anyone. One night my Mom and I were fighting and I guess I decided that I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't handle it alone. She was upset and shocked, but in the end was very supportive. My father took me to file a police report, but due to the fact that it had been months and there was no evidence left, it was a case of my word against his. He eventually walked away with nothing but a fine. Meanwhile, I was left with a scar. Being that I was so young it was really difficult for me to take it all in; I have gone through many periods of depression ever since and at one point tried to take my own life. It's been 6 years and I really don't know that I have healed completely, sometimes I wonder if I ever will.
-Kim
Lowraine's Story
When i was in 2nd grade, I realized that the things my brother was "teaching" me was wrong---"Katrinka" ceased to exist....when i was in 3rd grade, my brother raped my friend I was having over night.(she was much more developed then I) by the time I was 13 I had been raped twice, molested more times then i can remember by brothers, friends of brothers, ect, ( I think It was tattooed on my forehead). I denied it for years(LowRaine)
I went to counceling for a few years, several times a week. My 2nd husband "stayed " with me. "supported" me. I became a registered nurse.(I'm damn proud of that).
He in turn, 5 years down the road, Rapes me, calls me a whore and proceeds to make me feel totally worthless by allkinds of acusations. I give up What the hell Am I to do../.. I guess that damn tatoo is still there.
i've been thru my suicidal depressions. Yes I'm still very depressed, but nobody's going to take me that far down again. What do I DO??/
hurting,
like everyone reading this
-Lowraine
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