The mother was Canvassing the fact that the stepfather had orally copulated us, it started around the age of 2 years old, the man we called Cal often he came to the home while the mother was in local taverns . She never even reported it to the police! There was vaginal sores we tried to talk about the abuse initially but the mother told us not to speak a word of it ever again so the abuse continued, and worsened . Around that time we were taken to a hospital for a broken arm that wasn’t discovered for over 3 months after the arm was initially broken . From then on we kept our mouths shut , and the sisters too never told about the man because he was abusing them as well . After that a group of men raped anni she was 6 she was cut vaginally and her stomach the scars remain . There was many incidents of sexual and many of physical abuse , the mother claims she was aware 2X of the abuse and failed to notify anyone or obtain medical attention , or provide mental support ! this makes the mother Guilty ! The mental abuse , and spiritual abuse was the worst we were constantly told how evil we were that we would burn in hell , mom called us a slut bitch whore bastard and so much more.. One thing I could rely on is the beatings there we were 6 of us oldest to youngest , all of us forced to be nude , I watched as my mother beat each of us until there was blood or welts , I wished I was first in line that way we wouldn’t have had to watch . usually it was for something as trivial as borrowing her spoon . We decided from then on she would never see us cry no matter how bad the beating was. The Twin overpowered us and the mother allowed it , he chased us through the house kicking hitting we would wake up with the brother opening the mouth and spitting in it .Once the brother and his friend held us down tearing off the clothes I don’t remember what happened after that . For long periods of time we lacked basic essentials such as water electricity gas or food . The mother started a fire once she stuck a baked potatoe in the oven and passed out the stove cought fire and we cooked off a single burner that you plugged in for several years . The grandmother would get food behind the grocery stores for her pigs and that’s what often we would eat .Many times we were locked in a closet . And the basement too, once the mother came home drunk and put the twin brothers head in a sink full of water he nearly drowned but I grabbed the mothers leg she kicked me and then released the brother . There is a scar on our for head where there has been stitches we believe we were stabbed there but still we are not sure ?? The home was very unsanitary cockroaches so many of them everywhere and big black bugs that came up from the sewage . At a very young age the mother was drinking with a group of men she bent our fingers back until they made a cracking sound I cried out in pain and I watched as the adults broke out in laughter not understanding why ! when we were in grade school the mother would send us with her sick boyfriends that she picked up from bars, The grandfather was a polygamist he was another one of the perpetrators , as a young child we had such a fear of vampires ? The second to the oldest brother did act like a vampire he would frighten us . when we were not locked in a closet or the basement we took every chance we could to get out of that house , we looked around on the ground for pennies so we could buy and ice cream cone ,there was an old man that lived next store and he said " If you kiss me I will give you a quarter" , it became sort of a ritual and then one day he picked me up carried me to the back of the house he was so strong and he stuck his tongue down my throat , then everything went blank .This is a small amount of our story , the abuse happened daily . we havn't ever told anyone this much about ourselves because the embarassment and shame and lack of full memories . AllOfUs
Hi...I'm Lolita...and I am 25...when I was 16, I was raped and molested by my grandfather who's 68, and my uncle, 50, at that time. On that particular day, I went to my grandpa's place to send him the groceries, an errand usually done by my brother, as he was busy at that time, I offered to help. My grandpa lives about half an hour away from my home and when I arrived there at about 11 am, I saw my uncle who came for a visit,watching a porno movie in the living room. I was uncomfortable as I called out to my grandpa at the door. I was surprise to think that my grandpa would allow my uncle to continue watching that damn thing while I was already there. My uncle gave me a leering smile, I hate him because he's such a bummer, at that age! My grandpa called out to me to take the stuff to the kitchen.Behind me, I heard the front door being closed and locked by my uncle. After I laid them on the kitchen table, I was caught by surprise when my grandpa took my hand and led me to the living room!..My uncle upon seeing us, scoot to the side and my grandpa told me to sit there in between them!..I told him nicely,that I should be going back but he said that it had been sometime since I last visit him.My uncle start to compliment me on my looks while sizing me up and down...I was very uncomfortable at that time, not knowing how to get out of that situation, I told my grandpa how I felt. To my surprise, my grandpa laid a hand on my bare thigh and started to caress me!..I screamed in fear asking what the hell are they up to! My uncle told me to just be quiet and enjoy the movie. I tried to get up but he pulled my waist towards him and began to grope my breast.My grandpa pulled my legs towards him and forcefully spread them. I shouted and cried, unbelieving what's happening to me.What happened next, it's too painful for me to elaborate, all I know is that I was humiliated by my own flesh and blood as they took turns penetrating me, on that very couch. I went home, all bruised and swollen, my eyes were puffy with all the tears I shed. No one's home at that time, which, strangely, I found it a relieve, I don't know why..I can't bear to look at those two animals anymore. I left home six months after the horrifying incident, and I'm not coming back, never...
Twenty seven years ago, my life changed forever on October 9, 1976. I was the victim of a terrible crime. My husband, Mike and I got married on June 1, 1976. He was in the military. So, after being married for only three months, Mike left for a military school in California while I remained in Boston.
We were living in a Boston suburb at the time in a 2 bedroom townhouse apartment that was on three levels. The living room and kitchen were located on the 1st floor, bedrooms and bathroom on the 2nd floor. There was a basement area for your washer and dryer as well as extra storage.
I had met many of Mike’s friends while we were dating – most of them were his shipmates. These friends included a man named Stan. While Mike and I were dating, it always appeared that Stan was jealous of Mike’s relationship with me. Mike brought Stan on several of our dates in the beginning; a few basketball games. After Mike left for California, Stan called me on the telephone 2 or 3 times that first month to check on me and the boys (I had two children from a previous short-lived marriage at age 19). Stan said that Mike had asked him to call.
The evening of October 9, 2003 was a cold Saturday night and the windows in the house were closed. I had put the children to bed at around 8:00 p.m. and I was watching TV and folding laundry. I was already ready for bed. I had on a bathrobe, nightgown and panties. At about 9:00 p.m., there was a knock on my front door. I peeked out the living room window and saw Mike’s friend, Stan, standing on the porch with a small bag in his hand. I opened the door, quite surprised to see Stan and started to let him in. Stan turned around and waved off a taxi that was parked in the street. Stan had brought some Chinese food. We spent the next hour eating the Chinese food, watching TV (a baseball game that Stan had asked to turn on) and talking about Mike’s first month at military training school in California. I could smell alcohol on Stan when he first arrived and he asked for a beer or some “hard stuff”. I had none to give him.
About 30 minutes after his arrival, I ran down to the basement to put another load of clothes in the washer and bring up some more clothes to fold. As I was taking clothes out of the dryer, I heard footsteps behind me and when I turned around, Stan was walking towards me. Initially, I thought he was going to help me carry up the basket of clothes.
These are the horrific memories that I have lived with for 27 years. I have suffered from nightmares and flashbacks since the night I was brutally raped and brutalized by my husband’s best friend.
I realized very quickly that Stan had not come downstairs to help me with the clothes. He approached me and said “you know, I really like you, Debbie and I think you’re so fine”. It was rather obvious that Stan was trying to make a pass at me. Then he tried to put his arms around me and kiss me. I pushed him away and said something about being happily married to Mike and that I wanted him to leave. Stan’s mood immediately changed. He got really angry and said “I love fuckin’ white women and I’m gonna fuck you. Stan and my husband were both black. I am white.
The next thing I knew, he threw me down on the cold basement floor. He ripped open my bathrobe, and while he was unzipping and pulling down his pants, I struggled to get him off me and get away from him. He grabbed me by my long hair and produced a knife from his pocket; a switchblade with a shiny, sharp looking blade. He held the knife to my throat and he said something like “I’m gonna fuck you, bitch, you can fight me or you can lay back and enjoy it. He tried to kiss me and stick his tongue in my mouth and said something like ” either way bitch, you’re sure enough gonna get fucked tonight like you’ve never been fucked before…..”
He used the switchblade to cut off my panties and I instantly realized that the blade was very sharp by the way it cut through my panties so easily. I felt a sting on my abdomen as he cut and pulled my panties off and realized later that he had actually cut me in the abdomen. He held the panties up for me to see, laughed and then tossed them aside.
While holding one hand on my throat and the knife pressed against my neck, he started to rape me. During the initial vaginal intercourse, which lasted probably 10-15 minutes, I continued to struggle when he first tried to insert his penis into my vagina without using his hand. When he took his hand off my throat for the first time to insert his penis into my vagina, I tried to push him off me. At one point, he put his lower arm across my throat and I thought he was going to choke me. I started pleading with him saying things like, “please, stop, don’t do this to me, why are you doing this to me, Mike is your friend…..” I managed to scratch his face and scream “help”. He then put the knife in his other hand and struck me in the face with his open right hand. I continued to scream and then he stuck the knife into the side of my neck and put his hand over my mouth. I still struggled and he slapped me in the face again. He said something to me like, “the more you fight me, the longer I’m gonna fuck you, bitch”.
I was so frightened at this point, I just whimpered after that. All I could think about was that he would wake up the children. He kept pushing his penis deep into my vagina and it hurt so much. At one point, he jammed several of his fingers into my anus at the same time that his penis was deep in my vagina. There was so much pain I thought I was going to pass out. When he finally ejaculated after the first vaginal intercourse, I could feel his semen dripping all over my inner thighs. He began to kiss me in the mouth and to bite and lick my breasts. Then, starting at my neck area, he began to kiss and lick me all over and then he put his tongue into my vagina. When he slid down to insert his tongue into my vagina and the knife was away from my throat, I tried to sit up and cover myself up thinking the rape was finally over. He quickly knelt over me again and pushed my bathrobe back open, pushed up my nightgown again, put his hand back on my throat and pointed the knife directly at my face. He screamed at me something like “you ain’t goin’ nowhere bitch, this party is just startin’ to get good………..”
He then got up on his knees and straddled me in the upper chest area. He began to talk dirty and his tone was very angry, very degrading like he was trying to humiliate me. He said something like “why didn’t you crème for me bitch”? He began screaming at me “suck me off, bitch, I’ll come for you”. I didn’t move. He shoved his penis into my mouth and put the knife to my throat again. Once again, he demanded that I suck his penis. He
screamed at me – “suck my dick, bitch, suck it hard, you fuckin’ cunt”. I was choking and having trouble breathing as he jammed his penis down my throat. Realizing that I had no choice, I finally began to suck his penis and, after about 5 -10 minutes, he was very hard again. He put the knife to my throat again and said something like, “I’m gonna eat your pussy now and you better show me how much you like it”. He started to move his head toward my vagina and when he did, I struggled to get away from him. He then jammed the knife into my stomach area and, as he performed oral sex on me and digitally raped me with as many as 2-3 of his fingers both in my vagina and in my anus, the whole time he kept screaming at me “moan like you love it, bitch, you better show me how much you love me eatin’ your pussy, bitch.” He then said something like, “you ain’t leavin’ until you crème for me bitch.” He ran his fingers up the front of my vagina, put them into his own mouth, smiled and said something like “your cunt sure tastes good, bitch.”
He then forced me over on my stomach, and as I struggled to get free, he gathered up my bathrobe and nightgown and put it over my head. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He raped me again by inserting his erect penis into my anus. I screamed in pain as he kept thrusting his penis deeper into my anus but my screams were muffled by the bathrobe he had already thrown over my head. He was having a difficult time entering me from behind so he ordered me to “get up on your hand and knees, bitch”. I didn’t move at first so he stuck several of his fingers into my anus and said “get on your fuckin’ hand and knees, bitch, right now”. As I started to comply with his order to get on my hands and knees, I heard a clanking noise like something metal hitting the floor. When he entered me from behind the second time, I realized that he had taken his pants off.
My bathrobe kept getting in the way so he pulled it off me. He screamed at me to “spread your fuckin’ legs open wide” and he thrust his penis back into my anus. He grabbed me by my hair and kept pulling my head back and forth as he slid penis in and out of my anus over and over again. After what seemed like an eternity, he threw me over on my back and placed his still erect penis back into my vagina for a second time and raped me for another 30 minutes. The second rape was much more painful because now that his pants were completely off, he was able to better maneuver himself and his penis. I continued to beg him to stop. He still kept trying to kiss me in my mouth and on my breasts. He kept licking and biting my breasts. He kept shouting the same commands at me over and over again.
He would say things like, “bitch, say - fuck me harder, daddy”, “bitch, tell me – your dick feels so good, daddy” and things like that. I tried to ignore his demands but whenever I didn’t do what he demanded or say what he wanted me to say, he would threaten me with the knife, slap or punch me across the face again or thrust his penis or fingers deeper into my vagina or anus. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Each time he tried to kiss me, I would still try to struggle and get free. Whenever his hand was not covering my mouth, I begged him to stop. He slapped me in the face several more times during this second vaginal rape when I would not comply with his demands to say dirty things to him. I could hear the phone ringing upstairs in the kitchen. I knew it was Mike. He always called around 10:00 p.m. It had been ringing off and on for the last 20-30 minutes. Every time the phone would ring, he would look up towards the ceiling, laugh and make some comment like, “she’s busy getting fucked right now, Mike and she can’t answer the phone”.
He finally ejaculated a second time into my vagina but it took him a long, long time to climax. The second vaginal rape was much longer and much more painful than the first because he was able to maintain an erection for much longer. The pain in my vagina was so severe that I begged and pleaded with him to stop the intercourse. He said something like “you’re the best white bitch I’ve ever fucked and, believe me, I done fucked plenty”. Once again, he straddled my hips by kneeling on the floor so he could control me. He took the knife and began to tear at my nightgown starting at the hem so that the entire front of my nightgown was now ripped open rather than pushed up around my neck. Next, he took the knife and cut the top of each shoulder of my nightgown. I felt the last part of my nightgown fall from my shoulders and I was now completely naked. He started to caress and kiss my breasts again. At this time, he said something like “I’m gonna stay here and fuck you all night, bitch until you crème for me”. I started shouting and begging him saying “no, please, no, don’t hurt me anymore”. He ordered me to scream “fuck me again, please fuck me again.” But I wouldn’t say it. He slapped me across the face. I shook my head no again and wouldn’t say it. I began to cry uncontrollably and I was shivering because it was so cold. He began to kiss me on my face and mock me in a sing-song female like voice saying “don’t hurt me anymore, don’t fuck me anymore, Stan”. I begged and pleaded with him to stop. I begged him not to hurt me anymore.
Whenever he wanted to show me that he was in control, he took the knife and began to make tracings on my breasts and nipples and place the knife at the entrance to my vagina. I could feel how sharp the knife was. Over and over again, he demanded that I scream “fuck me again, daddy”. At one point, he took the handle part of the knife and pushed it down near my heart and just smiled. Again, he demanded that I say, “fuck me again, fuck me again daddy”. At that moment, I was afraid he was going to kill me if I didn’t comply with his demands. I finally said to him “fuck me again, fuck me again”. He slapped me again harder and said, ”I said say fuck me again, daddy”. So, I finally said “fuck me again, daddy, fuck me again, Daddy”. He just smiled and seemed very pleased with himself.
He ran the tip of the knife down the entire front of my body starting at my neck, then around my breasts, then in my abdomen area and stopped at the entrance to my vagina. He seemed to get off on the fact that I was so frightened. He actually turned the knife in a circle a few times and ran it across the outer area of my vagina. I could feel the
sharpness of the switchblade just touching the outer skin folds to my vagina. I didn’t dare move. He laughed as he pushed the knife into the entrance to my vagina and said, “if you move bitch, you’ll never fuck again”. I could feel his penis getting hard again rubbing against my leg as he bent over me. I could feel moisture in my vagina – but I didn’t know whether it was his semen or my blood. It was like I was frozen there on the cold floor. He kept saying what “a beautiful pussy” I had and “I’m gonna eat your pussy again”. He then inserted 2-3 of his fingers deep into my vagina and started to threaten me. As he stared into my eyes, face-to-face about 2 inches away, he said if I told anyone about what had just happened, he would kill Mike and make me young widow.
Suddenly his mood changed and he said “no more fuckin’ tonight - before I leave, we gonna do a 69, do you know what that is, bitch? I had no idea what he was talking about. This “69” as he called it was to be my ultimate humiliation. He came around and stood over me. Then he bent down and kneeled over my face and tried to insert his hard penis into my mouth. I tried to move my head from side to side but he ordered me to “open your fuckin’ mouth, bitch and suck me off” and he jammed his penis into my mouth and down my throat. He began to start licking my breasts while moving the tip of the knife against my skin, then to my abdomen area and finally started to perform oral sex on me again by inserting his tongue in my vagina and jamming his fingers onto both my vagina and my anus. When I started to struggle, he wrapped his legs around my head and neck for control and while I performed oral sex on him, he performed oral sex on me and held the switchblade near my vaginal area where I could feel it pressing against my anus. Each time I stopped sucking his penis, he would stop the oral sex and demand, “suck it hard bitch, make me come, bitch” or words to that effect. He would stop performing oral sex long enough to say things like “if you don’t suck my dick and make me cum, I’m gonna fuck you again in your cunt to get off – it’s your choice. I’ll stay and fuck you all night bitch if that’s what it takes”.
After about 5-10 more minutes, he finally ejaculated in my mouth and I started to gag. He got up off me and knelt down next to me. He was very still and silent for about a minute so I tried to reach for my bathrobe. He said “don’t you move yet, bitch – I want to look at you and placed the switchblade at the entrance to my vagina just far enough so that I flinched and cried out in pain. He closed the switchblade and laid it on the floor next to him but out of my reach. For at least another 5 minutes, he knelt beside me and did nothing but look at and touch my naked and battered body. I begged him to let me up. He told me to spread my legs again and knelt down in between my legs. He began to caress my hair and bruised face in an almost romantic way and said something like “you are really beautiful but you’re all used up now” and kissed me on my forehead. Finally, without any emotion whatsoever, he said, “okay, bitch, you can get up now – the party is over”.
He continued to threaten me as I tried to grab my bathrobe and get up off the floor. I was so scared that I promised him I wouldn’t say anything if he would just leave. All I could think about was getting him out of the house. Getting him out of the house was the key to my survival. I knew that. For the first time, I prayed to God to help me. As I tried to get up from the floor, my whole body was shaking and I felt so weak. He started to put his pants and shoes back on. I could feel his semen dripping down my legs and I realized how much my face and neck hurt for the first time. I could taste his semen in my mouth and feel it dripping on my face and neck. He walked over to the bottom of the stairs and just stood there watching me as I struggled to get up, put on my bathrobe and fasten it. As I walked past him to go up the stairs, he patted my backside.
I started limping up the basement stairs towards the kitchen. After climbing just two or three stairs, he grabbed my shoulder and dragged me back down the stairs and pushed me up against the wall. He took his two hands and ripped open my bathrobe and then pushed it off my shoulders. He stepped back and unzipped his pants and started to push them down around his thighs, pointed to a spot about 5 feet away and ordered me to “kneel down, bitch”. I pleaded with him to let me go upstairs and said I just couldn’t
take anymore. He repeated his command a second time and said “I said kneel down on the floor, you fuckin’ cunt”. I knelt on the floor. He then stood behind me and pulled my bathrobe off me. Then he came around and stood in front of me and said “now suck my dick hard and make me cum again”. I didn’t move and he slapped me in the face. The tears started to run down my face. I began sobbing again. I said “please don’t make me do this anymore, I beg you.”
He ordered me to open my mouth and he placed his penis into my mouth. He grabbed my hair and said “now suck me off bitch and make me cum”. I attempted to suck his penis and after about 30 seconds, he threw me to the floor and raped me again. After he ejaculated in my vagina, he threw me over and continued to jam his fingers into my anus as I screamed in pain. I kept saying, “no more, please no more….” He kept saying things like “does it feel good to ya, bitch?” and “you done been fucked good and hard tonight”. Finally, he got up, zippered his pants, picked up my bathrobe and threw it at me. I put my bathrobe back on and as I struggled to fasten the belt, he pushed me towards the stairs.
After I had climbed a few stairs, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted my bathrobe, He pushed me down on the stairs, began to caress my backside, spread my legs apart and inserted his tongue into my vagina and said something like “I just can’t stop myself, your pussy tastes so good.” As I sobbed and begged him to stop, he said in a very angry and menacing tone “shut up, bitch or this party goes back downstairs for another cunt fuck”. I willed myself to stop crying at that exact moment afraid that he would force me back down to the basement and rape me again. After a few more minutes, he stopped performing oral sex on me, said “get up, bitch” and let me walk up into the kitchen.
At this point, I became hysterical, ran across the kitchen and opened the back door and told him to get out. I think I said I would call the cops if he ever came near me again. He calmly walked into the living room, picked up his coat and as he walked out the back door, he turned back to me. I saw the knife back in his hand and he pushed the button on the switchblade to open it back up, grabbed my hair and held the knife to my throat and said, “if you tell on me, you fuckin’ bitch, I’ll kill Mike and then I’ll come back and fuck you again. He laughed and said something like “I might just come back and fuck you again anyway.”
I slammed the door and locked it. I remember looking at the clock – it was 11:30 p.m. The attack had lasted for about 2 hours as best I can estimate. He had held me captive in that basement laundry room and raped me more than 10 times and possibly closer to 20 times including the digital and tongue rapes to my vagina and anus. I endured three vaginal rapes and two anal rapes. I was forced to perform oral sex on him 4 times and he performed oral sex on me three times. There is no way to count the numerous digital and tongue rapes of my vagina and anus. I believe that he briefly inserted the switchblade into my vagina on two or three separate occasions but I am not sure how far the blade went in – enough so that I winced in pain. The last time it happened, he put the knife into my vagina farther than he had the first two times he did it.
He constantly demanded that I say or do things that sexually excited him – “fuck me harder, fuck me again, daddy”. He was sexually excited each time he humiliated me or got me to comply with his demands. He was obsessed with wanting me to climax and much of his rage against me seem to center on the fact that he couldn’t make me climax. Of everything that happened to me during the assault, the second vaginal rape was the longest and hurt the most. It lasted for probably 30 minutes. Many of my flashbacks are from the second vaginal rape and the oral sex when he wrapped his legs around my
head. It often seemed that he was able to maintain his erection for a long time by inflicting pain on me.
Yet, once I finally said those seven words he wanted me to say “fuck me harder, fuck me again, daddy”, his demeanor began to change. Earlier, he had also forced me to moan as he performed oral sex on me and each time I failed to comply with his demands, he either slapped me, bit my nipples very hard, started to choke me or placed the switchblade at my throat. The more I resisted, the more sexually excited he became. The more I resisted, the more he hit me and brutalized me. I realize all of this now. There were moments when I thought he was going to kill me. The only time he ever called me by my name was at the beginning of the assault and at the end. During the entire assault, he always called me bitch or cunt; treating me like an object and not a person. I was afraid if the children woke up he would hurt them or kill us all.
I shut off the kitchen light and ran upstairs to the bathroom. I was still shaking and crying, trying to determine how badly I was hurt. My face was already swollen and bruised, I had numerous small cuts and bruises on my neck, around my breasts and a 2” wide cut on my abdomen that must have happened at the beginning of the assault when he cut off my panties in a frenzy before he really gained control over me. My back, legs, chest, stomach and arms were covered with scrapes from the concrete floor.
I spent the rest of the night lying on our bed wondering what I was going to do. I wanted to call the police but I was afraid. By 5 a.m., I had made my decision. I was going to pretend that the rape never happened. I took a shower, threw away the torn nightgown and panties and washed the bathrobe. When the kids got up, I did the best I could to get through the next day. I had plans with my Mother that Sunday and I cancelled saying one of the boys were sick. I needed time for my bruises and cuts to heal. I iced my faced a few times but the swelling was pretty bad. Fortunately, the kids were young enough not to ask any questions. A week later, I went to see an OB-GYN doctor (not my regular doctor) and was tested for sexually transmitted diseases. I was already on the pill so there was no chance of pregnancy. I had a great deal of soreness in both my vaginal and rectal areas.
The doctor said that there was some vaginal tearing but that it had already started to heal. He gave me a brochure about domestic abuse. The doctor made a reference to having rough sex and to be careful about permanent damage and I began to cry. I think he knew something was wrong. He was sympathetic and questioned me about my condition but I wouldn’t tell him anything. I think he knew I had been beaten and raped. I was bruised all over my body. I had cuts and tears inside and outside my vagina. The doctor had to know.
Mike came home from California a month later in late November 1976 and I was never the same after that. The enchanting 23 year old that Mike had married just 5 months earlier tried to forget what had happened to her that night. But, I never could. The brutal rape and attack changed me forever. I did the best I could to cover up my nightmares, the flashbacks and the resulting sexual dysfunction over the years.
The reason I changed right after we were married - I was raped by my husband’s friend. Those two hours of captivity on October 9, 1976 changed me forever. I have never recovered from the night 27 years ago when I was raped and beaten for almost two hours. It has haunted me and crippled me in many ways from the day it happened. It still haunts me today.
