Hello. I am 23 years old. 4 days before my 16th birthday, Some friends of mine threw a party. I thought I was going to have a great night, who knew my life was about to change forever. I was what you could call a "wild child". I thought life was about seeing how f***** up you could get in a night. I went to the party, and immediatly lit up a joint and started doing shots. The night continued pretty much like that, I was having a blast. Later on in the party, I started feeling really sick, so I went into my friends bedroom, layed down & passed out. Even though there were many people I didnt know at the party, I figured I was safe, since it was my friends house. Boy was I wrong!!!

I felt an enormus amount of pain all of a sudden, which woke me up to find someone (I have no clue who he was) on top of me & inside of me. I screamed & tried to kick & push him off of me. Not wanting people to hear me scream, he choked me until I passed out again. Now I am actually thankful he choked me...At least I only remember 3 or 4 minutes of the attack. I woke up sore & scared, with bruises around my neck and on my face. I dont remember him hitting my face, maybe that was after he choked me.

I was terrified to tell anyone. I already had a reputation of being "easy". I didn't think anyone would believe me. I went home and showered until the water was ice cold, but still felt dirty. I put it as far back in my mind as I possibly could. No one would ever know, all the hurt would go away, right?? At least thats what I thought at the time.

About 6 weeks Later I found out I was pregnant. I was dating someone at the time, so I was praying it was his (although he was nothing to write home about either). When I had my beautiful son, (who has blond hair & blue eyes) I thought oh no, what if it was "his" kid?? My B/F then was hispanic. I put it out of my mind...no way could I get pregnant from rape...no way. But the wonder was always there.

When my son turned 4, I decided I couldnt live without knowing. I tracked down the guy I was w/ at the time and had a DNA test done. My worst nightmares came true. My attacker is my sons "sperm donor" (I will never be able to say father regarding him, He doesnt deserve credit for such a wonderful boy). The night I found out, I finally told my story for the first time to my (at the time) fiance.(now we're married) He was so supportive & didnt make me feel dirty at all. He said he will always be here for me, and it doesnt matter if I dont know his "sperm Donor", he (my hubby) will always be his daddy.

I am now in counselling, and doing well in my recovery. I just had another baby (a beautiful girl), and while being pregnant again brought back alot of memories, I am very greatful for both my children. I dont know where I would be without them. I'm writing this in hopes that it will help at least 1 person not to feel alone. I felt alone for way to long, but now I realize I am a SURVIVOR...And SO ARE YOU!!!!

-Erin

see i dnt no if this is really rape..i was 13 years old and it had affected me and i am now 15...i dnt no if this is such a big deal...i think its kinda my fault..i can remember it in deatail my friend sam called me to see if i wanted to hang out with her and her bf jeff (15)( who was my ex bf)and his friend brandon(15)..so i did i met them at this park.. half way to her house and they were all there when i got there..so we decided to go to her house..so we went there and her parents were home and we didnt wanna be there cuz her parents were there..so we went out back she had these garge thing with a uptars where ppl call it the "spot" thats where evryone went to hang out and if they got really fucked up they would sleep there so we all went up stairs and we were chyllen on the couch and brandon ( who to this day i hate) was like lets play truth and dare.. and jeff and sam were like alright but i was like theres no point cuz jeff and sam go out and so its just really me and u and i dnt like u like that cuz ur like my brother( i new him since iw as born) and he was like so lets play and i was like nah it aint a good idea..so we fought bout playing and so i finially gave in and the rules were if u didnt do the dare that they said to do then u get a chicken and u had to wut ever the chicken was no matter how bad it was..so brandon went first and he dared jeff and sam to have sex in front of us so they got naked and they had sex so...(which i really didnt want to see) after that dare is shouldve left right then and there but i didnt! then it was jeffs turn and he dared me to fuck brandon in front of them (i was still a virgin) and i was like nah im still virgin and i wanna have sex when im ready and i wanna do it with some one that im with for a long tyme and brandon was like fine ill ask u out fuk u then break up with u and i was like nah thats not how it is supposed to work and they kept saying all these nasty things to me trying to make me have sex with brandon and sam just sat there then she had the nerve to say come on i did it aint that bad just do it and i was so madd cuz she was supposed to be my best firend and she was suppoed to understand..so they were like finw u get a chicken and they said since i didnt wanna have sex with him ihad to such his dick..and iwas like no way i dnt suck dick and they were like well if u dnt do it im gunna go and get dog shit and ur goin to have to eat it and jeff went to go get dog shit..and iw as like i wanna leave and jeff was liek come here i wwanna talk to u so he brougt downn stairs and he waslike u no wut this is worong if u dnt wanna do it then u dnt have to..so i went back upstaris and then jeff called sam down staris and the went into the house to eat so i went back upstairs and brandon was like are u gunna do it or not and iwas like no..so i was like im gunna leave so i tried to leave and then he held me back and i was like wut are u doin get the fuck off of me i wanna leave then he was screaming jeffs name sayin com ehelp me man she is trying to leave..but all jeff said wuz like i dnt wanna be apart of this he didnt even help me! so he kept holdniing me so i punched him in the face then he smacked me and threw me up against the wall and was like dnt ever hit me again if u dnt wanna do this then leave so i started down the staris and then he graped me hair and brought me back up and i went to screm then he hit me and said if i screwmed he would kill me..and he was liek dnt try and fight or its gunna be worse so he took my pants of then his and said put ur mouth on it and i said no so he kicked me and threw mw on the ground and said put ur mouth on it,...so i did..and he took my hair and started to make me do it..(i was soo scared alll i wanted to do was go home) then i didnt and i was like am i done can i go and he was like no ill tell u when ur done..then jeff and sam came up stairs..and then they saw us then left! how good she leave!! then he got sick of it then he told me to take my shirt off and undo my bra m( and at the age of 13 i was already a 36 c) and i was like why and he was like dnt ask any fucken questions just do it! so i didnt and he told me to put my boos together and he stuck his dick between them and started fuckin my tits which is call titty fuckin! then he went down on me and it felt so nast i started to cryt..then u got up and told me to put my cloths on and leave so i did and i left!

i went home and i threw up i felt soo gross all i wanted to do was die i told my mom and we presse charges but he didnt get locked up..he did later cuz he did it to other gyrlz as well i feel dirty and deppressed and my dad didnt look at me for a while! please feel free to email me

Angel

Love Means Everything's Story