Anonymous
Anonymous
Daddy told me i was an evil child and needed to be cleansed. I believed him. For 10 years I believed him. A part of me will always believe him.
-Evil Child
T's Story
went off to college. I am 22, transferred. I met a guy in one of my classes. He was good-looking, very nice. We went out on a bunch of dates. It was two months before I went to his house. We were watching a movie and he made his moves on me. I really liked him, so I did not mind. When it went to far, I told him to stop but he continued very roughly until he was "finished". He had ripped me apart inside and the bed was soaked with blood. I was in pain. He asked me if I wanted to go. I was in such shock, I did not say anything. He took me home. I finally went to the doctors on Monday. I went to the hospital the next day, but I waited hours and left. I was still bleeding. I finally saw a doctor and the first thing she asked me was if I was raped. I denied it completely because I felt like it was my fault and I was so ashamed of myself. She continued to ask because my condition would not happen during "normal" sex. I had to see the guy every other day because he was in my class too. I think that was the worst thing about it because I could not forget. I did extremely bad in school, dropped classes. I kept going to the doctor weekly, and I was tested for everything. I was ok. I find out now that I have Herpes, now making me feel like damaged goods. I managed to stay in school for another semester, but I kept moving- I think trying to run away from what was in my head. That maybe a new place would wipe everything away. I finally had to be hospitalized, I could not sleep, eat and I wanted to commit suicide. I withdrew from school and moved back to my moms. I am getting better now, at one point I was really happy. Everything was working out, I am seeing a therapist, I got a good job, I finally got my own place. I started school again. But in class we were talking about crime, and that not a lot of rapes are even reported and if there is no report- there was never a crime. In the eyes of the law anyway. I know that guy continued with school and his life was not affected like mine and I am really angry now. I am so scared though. I still feel like it was my fault and I dont want people to tell me that also.
-T
At the time i was nine yrs old and my mum had a brake down due to my grandmothers death, my farther who's a drug addict was left to take care of me and my two brothers 6yrs and 10yrs old, while my mother was in a special hospital.My farther brang home his friends and bumbed around the house these poeple are also drugo's and they and my dad do alot ilegal things to get the money for their drugs.One night my farther left with two of he's friends leaving on eman back to look after us.I could'nt sleep since my mum went and so every night i'd stay up and here them rumbling on all night. however this nigt was very different, it was late and every on e went to bed i could here my dads friend watching tv in the lauge room, then atfer a while i geard him entre my room i faked that i was a sleep, hoping he'd go away. At that age i already know what was going to happen to me, he slowly crawled on the bed and lyed next to me, i didnt move and didnt know what to do as he slowly started to touch me, he pulled aside my undies and went inside me i was freaked but i still pretended to be a sleep i was embarrest and scared at the time.he started to kiss me lighly every where then i decided to pretend that i was moving in my sleep so i turned my back to him, this caused him to lye in spoon like position next to me and he continued with hes asult all over my privates, i then clenced my thighs together tight so he couldnt get in with out difficulty.he started to rubb hes sex against my behind after a whil eof this he quitly went out.i stayed up the whole night and couldnt think what to do about the situation after all i had no one to turn to. The next night i decided to put on my full bodied swimming costume to protect myself from him if he decided to do it again.And again my dad went out and he entered my room this time he went out after a few minutes of rubbing my privates cause he couldnt get easy acess.
the next night as my farther planned to go out on hes nights of hunting again i started crying and beged hime not to go he looked at all of hes freinds and said see how much she cares for me, he said he'd stay cause i dont want him to go. Of course he lied my dad always lies and hes very good at it too.that night he entred my room again after my farther left.this time he got what he wanted, i think i was weak because i didnt know what to make of the situation. i thought at the time it was too complicating and ebarressing to do anything about.So i just lyed tre like i was sleeping as he pulled my panties off and spread my legs, but he found it hard to get inside i guess he couldnt fit, but then he did sometihing at the time to me was horrible and freaky he went down on me and gave me oral sex he spat and pushed hes tough inside me oviously he didnt care if i woke up or not and out of embarresment and shame i didnt move i tried really hard to keep my breathing even.After a while i tried to entre me agian this time it worked a little then i slowly eases it as i was trying despretly to look like as if i couldnt feel anything the whole time with my eyes closed.then after a while he didnt care anymore he just kept on shoving and shoving. This was begining to really kill me physically and emotionally i started to move agianst hime and with my hands push him off me i scratched and started crying,i held my wrist together and told me to shut up or els he'd tell my dad what happended i would be so shamed so i kept still and played dead untill he finnished i cummed inside me i know that now after he finnished he cleaned himself up and said be good or i'll tell ur dad what happend. i was so a shamed and embarrested, i kept my mouth shut and avoided seeing him he didnt try it again and soom he moved out with the rest of my dads freinds.i'm 18 yrs old now and i have never told anyone about this incedent. did it change me yes it did it made me more wiser and mature it took away my childhood and left me to grow up and cope with my own pity.
As an 18 yrs old now i would say my relationships with other males have'nt changed i still treat every body the way then deserve to be treated and im currently in a very happy long term relationship with my bf he doesnt know about my past but it doesnt matter i coped on my own and learned to move on.i recently encountered my rapest after 7 yrs, we briefly exchanged looks i started feeling heat rush all over my body and a slight grip of fear and embarresment out of rememberance but then it was over as i looked carefully at him and i pitied and felt sorry for him he was so out of it hes eyes and hes feature have changed so much the years of drugs have killed hes apperance and i think deep down he feels ashamed of what he done.
thats my story this is the first time i have writen it less told anyone, but i think its safe to tell it this way.
-Blue
My first sexual experience was when I was 9 with one of my first cousin's first cousins...I'm not related to him through blood though. He was 13, and raped me when I was 10. It seemed like he was a lot older though... I forgot a lot of it, but I think these are the first two times, which aren't as bad as the last. I was walking into my brother's room when he started trying to kiss me. I turned my head, acting like any other 9 year old grossed out by guyz and he grabbed ahold of my shirt and tried to feel my boobs (like I had any). The next time, we were walking from the living room..actually I was trying to get away from him from some reason and grabbed my pants when I ran and I fell...he got them off of me and started feeling me up...I wouldn't let him and started kicking him....I got up, and he grabbed ahold of my ass cheek...ish.
Finally, we were alone at my house. He kept asking if he could have me and I wouldn't tell him yes....I was only 10, I barely knew what it meant...somehow or other it ended up me laying there and I closed my legs....He kept telling me to quit and I remember him jerking them open...he didn't get on me right then I don't think, but when he did, that shit hurt and I started trying to get out from under him and hit my head on something..I froze when that happened and...I think it helped me take my mind off of what was happening...I started crying and I remember i had to make myself tell him to stop, but he told me to just wait...
Then when I was 11, my cousin's friend molested me. He was 19. He said he liked me, trying to convince me to go out with him...finally I said yes. He told me not to tell my cousins. Then he kept asking me to have sex with him...I'm a stubborn ass and didn't give in. I did let him kiss me though, and he was on top of me...I guess you call it dry sex....
Probably about 6 months after that I had sex for the first time willingly. He was 14, about to turn 15...I was still 11. The only thing that bothers me about that is how young I was. I had sex with 4 other guyz that year, all about 14, 16. Then messed around with a few more...Around that time, my best friend since age 3's dad first molested me..I was 12. He thought I was asleep...when I woke up, he put his hands between my legs...that's the worst feeling I've ever had. he left and went to work...I tried to stay away from their house, and I would never be alone with him. Plus I always slept around someone...that didn't really stop him though. It only happened twice, plus he asked me to get him a towel and opened the door when I got close to the door....then he always just made me uncomftarble, staring at me all the time and showing me his tongue...He tried to come in the room I was sleeping in once, but I had a they chair in front of the door, and there was no carpet, so it was loud as hell, so he got scared I guess and went to bed. Last year, the week after that (I'm 14 now) I told my head doctor, and he told my mom...I got cut off from my bud after that. I started burning myself every day, throwing up my food...a year later I still throw up my food, but I stopped for almost two months...
My g/f (I'm bi) cheated on me a few weeks ago so I got pissed and had sex with a 22 year old guy...I asked him to stop like 3 times, but once or twice he just ignored me, and the last time he asked me to wait til he nuts...that just pissed me off.
I'm 14 now, and very damn year since I was 9, something has happened to me, and I'm starting to get pissed off. I just hate myself sometimes. I wish I wouldn't have remembered any of this until I was older...until I could deal better or something. I don't show it, but it's just hard...I don't feel as dirty as I used to, but I do on and off. I can't take any of this back, but I wonder what I'd be like if none of this would have happened to me...I guess I'm never going to know. Sometimes I think to myself I should just try to forget about it again, but then it might be harder to deal with even then...I try not to think about it actually happening, but at the same time, all I think about is that it ahppened.
I'm sorry this is so long, and if you read all of this, thank you:)
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