Ji-Ji's Story
Ji-Ji's Story
At the age of 15, i lost my virginity to rape. n tha summer of 2003, i was goin to my "friend" Tarsha's aunt's house. We hadn't seen each other since elementary school and they were only in Maryland because their grandmother had died. When i went to her house, she introduced me to her older brother (who i had never met before) Jerell. Their parents were grocery shopping, their aunt went shopping for a black dress and Tarsha had left to get her hair braided for the funeral. Which left Jerell and i alone. But at the time i wasn't uncomfortable at all being left alone with him because he was just like my boyfriend, Sam. We were talking for a while before anything actually happened. It was when he tried to kiss me that i got up to leave. When i was walking towards the stairs to leave, Jerell came up behind me and dragged me to his room (which was downstairs where we were). When we got to his room, he locked the door behind us and threw me on his bed. i tried as hard as i could to fight him off of me, but he was to strong. It was the worst pain i have EVER felt in my life. It felt like a constant punching inside of me. The most horrible 5 minutes of my life. The only thing he said was "Your boyfriend's gonna do the same thing to you, so i don't know why you're crying." Those words haunt me to this very day. im kind ofimproving now because although i haven't forgotten what happened, i try not to think about it as much now. My friends are doing a very good job of helping me with that and i want to thank them for it. i just recently told my boyfriend what happened and i'm glad he doesn't judge me for it. i trust him despite what happened, but because of what Jerell said, i don't know if i would feel comfortable engaging in anything sexual for a very long time. i hope he understands that and doesn't get mad at me for it. i know what happened isn't my fault at all, but i just can't help feeling guilty about it. If i just left when Tarsha did, my rape wouldn't be haunting me now.....
Confused Teen's Story
I became a victim when I was 17 yrs old by my boss's brother and brother in law , I went over their house to buy pot, they didn't have pot so instead they force me to have sex , against my wills. I thought it's was my faults and I used to think that I was a bad dirty white trash , sinner. I was 18 yrs old , I worked in Nursing home to do laundry job and here's this janitor man in his 50 yrs old walked in laundry room and shut the door and locked the door and he moved me to dirty linen pile and he had sex with me on dirty linens . I felt nasty .
When I was 23 yrs old , I met a male friend at work , we worked together , we never went out to eat or go movie , we never went out for date. He pressure me to have sex with him , I gave him in , I didn't want sex , and then I got pregancy . He used me , it's still called rape anyway.
I felt that my life being unfair by these men that rapes me! I was young and scare and not knowing what's to do , I thought that I must please these men , to make them happy , I don't want to get hurt or beaten.
I was so emotional and went to counseling and my counselor told me that all these men rapes me . I got confused at that time , I said oh , none of these are not my faults. Whew , I was relief . I never told my mom about this , because I knew she might not believe me because in past , I used to lied to my mom alot and she don't trust me.
-Confused Teen in back in 80's
Dude's Story
My father left when I was 9 and my soon to be stepfather moved in with us, in rural ALaska. I was so taken with this man who liked me a lot and took me with him everywhere. On my 10th birthday, he took me camping and I drank a little of his beer and got really weird feeling. He suggested skinny dipping to wash off and then showed me the way to undress a man. He had me unbutton his jeans, then kiss this stomach hair and to kneel down and pull his boots and jeans off, then lick his legs and his crotch and his dick. He taught me the correct way to take care of his dick and made me feel good that I could please this man so much. I liked it when we went for drives out the road, pulled into the woods and he would come around to the passenger door of the old pickup truck of his with the camper shell, take my jeans and underpants off and then we'd walk a little ways and he'd sit, with me on his lap and a finger of his up inside me. I remember being scared when we were in a forest service cabin and he was working on my butt while I laid over his lap and suddenly the door opened and a hunter and his son, a couple years older than me walked in. I wanted to dress but my stepdad said no, but to get the guest a beer from our small cooler and to help the young man put their things inside. When I walked out with the other boy, he took my hand and walked me to a small shed you could see up the hillside aways up. I liked that we were holding hands, like we were friends and he kept smiling at me. We went to the shed, which was a line shack for electrical workers trapped in the hills in bad weather. It had a bed, a desk, a frig, and lots of dirty magazines. This guy said he was 14 and he wanted to see me totally naked. There was a heater in there, so he turned it up, then had me strip for him. I did, enjoying the attention from him and his good looks. Then he had me lay over his lap and he played with my body, stroking me and fingering my butt a lot. He said his dad was dead, but his uncle, his dad's brother, was raising him and that's who he was with at the cabin. He said his uncle had taught him a lot of things about sex and he wanted to show me some of them. I said ok. He wanted to know about my stepdad and how we started and all. Then I stood and stripped his clothes off, then laid over the end of the bed while he laid beside me, mid finger firmly in my butt and the other hand pushing inside my mouth. He told me he liked that I was used to being told what to do and that he couldn't wait to grow up and have several boys around him he could teach to service him and his friends on a regular basis. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I laughed and said yes. Then he straddled me, and forced himself inside me. He said to get used to it, cause once we went back to the cabin, he could guarantee that his uncle Tim would be doing this a lot to me. I enjoyed the time there with him and he make me wear a jacket we found there and a set of long johns a little smaller than me, actually, which he cut the seat out of. This was so he could use me as men use a woman as he said, whenever they want or need to fuck something. I liked that a lot and liked being able to please him. When we wer eabout a miled from the cabin, his uncle met us coming back from a short deer hunt. He came over to me, turned me around and said he though t that my outfit was a vast improvement and he hoped I liked his nephew a lot. I said I did and he told him to go to the cabin, we'd be along in a while. He proceeded to tell me what was expected of me as far as making myself available to him at all times. He started what was to become a regular weekly if not more occurrence for the next 14 or 15 years. He took me along a path, stopped and spread out a sleeping bag and told me to just pull out of the legs of my union suit, then to lay face down and wait for him. He gave me a small bottle of baby oil and told me to grease myself well as we would be there a while. He told me, wrongly now I realize in later life, that he needed to show me how to best appreciate a man's company and how to treat a man that was aroused and wanting to use me. He told me that he knew my teachers at school and he would say something if I tried causing him any trouble. I didn't plan on saying anything. He fucked me rather roughly and when he was done, made me clean his genitals with a wet cloth, then kiss his penis for a few minutes and then to put it back in his underwear and do up his jeans buttons and belt. I did this and then he started slapping me around, telling me to show more appreciation for a man when I get fucked by him and to thank him for being there to protect me at all times. I tried to keep up with his demands, but they ended with me being spanked til I couldn't stand it anymore, then he fucked me again, this time roughly, saying I deserved that for not being grateful that he was there to show me my place and learn to appreciate a man in my life. Afterwards, crying, I told him thank you a lot and held his penis against my face and kissed it. I had learned from my stepdad that this was the way you showed a man true affection when you were in the role of a woman for him and it was expected of me at all times. He petted me and stroked my butt, telling me it was ok, he knew I was sorry and that I wanted him in my life. He told me to ask him to be there all there time for me and that in return, he could do what he wanted with me. I said this, not knowing what control he really had over me. At the cabin, he had me serving him, my stepdad and the nephew beers and then sitting on the floor at their feet answering questions about why I liked their dicks in me and what did I want to do next with them. They let the nephew take me into a back store room and punish me for not telling him often enough how much I liked his dick in me. My stepfather, that night, had me go to each of their beds and ask them if they wanted some company, to which I was pulled face down and given a nice long fuck from them both and told how much nicer I was now that I was asking them for their services as men. I was so embarrassed, but I dared not say no to my stepdad in front of them. The next number of days were a blur of taking care of their needs, then being pushed onto a bed and shown new and more athletic positions for taking their dicks. This, I was told, was my duty, too, for being like I was. To this day, I still accept this role of being told what is expected of me and accepting that this is only right if a man is going to use me for his pleasure, because I am only here for their pleasure and excitement and servicing. I know this is wrong and have tried time and again to break this chain of events. But all it takes is a co-worker or a passing driver offering a ride or a person asking for something I can't provide and being told to follow them as I was going to be providing something more in return. So many men, including skateboarding mid-teens, seem to see it in me that I am constantly reminded of my place due to that validation as a person who should never say no to a man's desires without facing punishment and then their wrath as men, using me roughly and often to teach me respect for their stature as men.
I had a roommate some time ago who I allowed to pay 1/2 rent due to his unemployment status and he comes home one night drinking with a friend of his who was at the apartment all the time since he moved in and he tells me that he appreciates the 1/2 rent business and all and wants to provide more of what he can provide. I missed the signals on this one and was slapped soundly for not taking my pants off as soon as he made it known he wanted me. I told him I didn't know he did and didn't see anything and he pulled my hair til I was facing his crotch and his jeans were undone and his belt unbuckled. He said that was the sign and I better learn it. Once again, I embarked on a learning process of the same kind of control, different ways of showing it to start. Anytime his pants were undone, I had to get down and pull him out, start sucking slowly until he acknowledged my being there, which sometimes was an hour or more, and then I was to put vaseline on his dick, my butt and the penis of any friends he had visiting him at that time. I did this a lot, finding myself being farmed out to his friends when he wanted the apartment for a party or whatever, spending time at someone's place I didn't know or being taken to the warehouse district, taken to some homeless guys and, after they were given some joints and a bottle of alcohol, told to keep me company till they come back. I spent many a night being passed around a warehouse area from small campsite to mattress laid out to sometimes in an alley and watched as a car pulled in with people eager to find out why a young guy wearing just a coat and shoes would be there, and being used in cars and areas around. I sometimes rue the day it all started, and other times, I thank goodness for some of the people in my life that have provided adventures and fun and allowed me to experience more than I ever would have on my own.
You know, we all learn to find the path of least possible resistance, even in the face of the most impossible situations. Nothing is impossible. I actually feel quite strong for being able to deal with all that comes my way and maintain some sense of control in my life.
I don't know, I sometimes thingk it could have been better, but who knows, it could have been a lot worse.
Thanks for reading. write me at dude8140@yahoo.com if you want to communicate or know mroe about me or.... dude...
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