Keisha''s Story
Keisha''s Story
Im 20 years old and 5 days ago I was kidnapped from my home after arriving home from work by four men. they took me to an unknown place and raped me. i dont remember much or even how i got back home. all i know is that i woke up around 4:30am naked in my car. i report the incident to the police but no justice has happened. i have not slept in 5 days and my eyes are burning. everytime i close them i see what has happened to me. i only have 8 days before my 21st birthday and it looks like i will be celebrating it in the house because im afraid to go outside. someone help me. by me not knowing who has taking advantage of me i treat everyone like they are the intruders.
there are so many incidents, it's hard to know where to begin, it's happened too many times now, i've even begun to ask myself if i asked for it, or if i deserved it.
the longest was, i think my dad's friend. he did things to me from when i was 6, until i was 14, ie old enough to know it was wrong and to tell him to stop. he used to call me beautiful, i think that was his excuse, that it was ok for him to do those things to me, because i was beautiful. he used to tell me that there were boys and men queuing up for me, waiting to take their turn. i'm even replused at some of the minor things, he used to make me kiss him on the mouth, a "proper kiss" he'd call it, if i tried to get away, when i was wearing nighties, he'd pull me onto his lap and move me around, gripping me tightly, and moving me with his hands, i can't talk about those things anymore. i even remember when i found the courage to tell him to stop, i was in my hallway, i got hear my parents getting ready to go out with him, they were upstairs in their bedroom, he was in the hall with me, he said, "give me a proper kiss". i don't know what was so different about the way he said it that time, but i found the strength. i slapped him, and told him that if he ever touched me, or even came near me again, i'd tell my mother. he's never been back since.
when i was 10, i went on a school trip (to the countryside) with about 30 shoolfriends, and a bunch of teachers, we were divided into groups, and sent away, treasure hunting, i was in a group of 5, somehow i got separated from the rest of them, i think it was because i thought we were meant to go one way, while the others disagreed, so i went that way alone. i walked down a lane which came out into a field, there was a man there, when i saw him, i was scared, i was still being abused by my dad's friend, i turned to go, when he saw me, he just started yelling at me that it was his land, then he grabbed my arm, and asked me who i was, i was crying, but managed to tell him, i was staying near-by. he asked me if i was with friends, i (idiot) told him i was by myself, he looked me up and down, although i was 10, i had something of a chest, so i probably looked older. he ran his hands along my chest, i was beginning to panic now, and was starting to scream a little, he threw me to the ground. he forced his penis into my mouth, and stroked my face and hair, he fingered me, but he didn't put in his penis. after about 15 minutes, he let me up, i didn't think anything just of running, i ran till i could hear my friend's voices again, they laughed at me crying, because they thought i'd got lost in the forest (that's why my clothes were completely dirty and twisteD) and panicked myself to tears.
my "first time" i was 16. i went on a spanish exchange to a place called Huelva in spain, it was the last night. we went to a night-club which opened at around 2 am. i'm not sure exactly when, but either shortly before this, or shortly afterwards, my drink was spiked. at around 3:30 i decided (idiot) to go for a walk outside to clear my head. i got tired of the looks from people, thinking i was drunk, so i walked down a street, a little bit down from the club.i feel weak n dizzy. someone, a man, wraps his arm around my tummy, just below my ribs, and begins to say something to me but i don't understand anything, because i can't hear him. he has his head very close to my shoulder. he speaks into my ear. he whispers. he begins to guide me, or to walk for me. i don't remember turning my head, but i must have, becuase i can see his dark hair. i can feel his hair against my neck. he tugs on my shirt and kisses my neck n shoulders. by now, i can't walk by myself. he is almost carrying me. he is very strong. i'm terrified and crying, and begging. i try to free myself, but all i can do is lean against him. he begins to drag me down a street. i don't recogonise where we are. i flop in his arms, i try to raise myself up but i don't have the strength. i fall to the ground. i try to crawl along the ground, i'm trying to escape, but he just laughs, and picks me up and we begin to walk again. i close my eyes. when i open them, i'm lying on the ground in a garage. all i see is darkness. he is above me. he is in me. i try to scream. for this, he slaps my face, again and again. he wraps a hand around my throat andcontinues slapping with the other. i try to push him off, but my arms and legs are so heavy. he is so heavy. i can move my arms a little, and try 2 push him off. i try to scrab him, but he takes my arm, and bites my hand and arm, then he bites my breasts. i put my hands against his chest to push him off, but he's too heavy n all i can do is move a little. for this reason, i beg n plead in every language i know, but he pays no attention to me. he puts his hands against my chest. my shirt is open and my skirt is around my waist. everything hurts. i put my hands on his arms, and try to scrab them, but he pushes them down and leans on me. i can smell his breath, his aftershave, his sweat.i feel like i'm gonna be sick. he leans away for a moment, then i see a spark in the dark. he's lit something, he leans back down, i start to try to beg him again, so he pushes his cigarette on my breast, where he bit me, again and again. i really SCREAM this time, it hurts SO bad. i try to force him off, and scream as loud as i can, i've scared him, he drops his cig. he changes postion n puts his hands around my throat. i can't scream anymore. i can't breathe. i start 2 choke and he lets go of my throat. the whole time i'm begging and pleading wit him 2 let me go. he doesn't listen, he starts thrusting, wit every thurst he grunts, n groans wit my sobs, seyn "te quiero" (i love u) wit everyone. all i feel is the pain. all i kno is the pain. we return 2 the club i am weak n ill. i try 2 free myself, but i can only walk a few paces by myself. we arrive at the disco n go in. everything is suddenly strong n bright. i turn around. no-one is behind me. i go 2 the toilets wit difficulty. i vomit everywhere. i leave the toilets n find my friend , but she's drunk and doesn't understand. we return 2 her house. i don't say much. my skirt is on the wrong way. wen i walk up, there's blood in my underwear, but i kno it's not my period.
For such a long time, i blamed myself for all of these, especially the last, i think i believed my dad's friend, that because i was beautiful, i had to go through these things, that it's my fault.
-Steven
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