Anonymous's Story
Anonymous's Story
I remember... each piece of the puzzle is coming back to me. The picture that is emerging is scary. It’s difficult to look at it for any length of time. The emotions swirl around and I am left standing feeling as if all my clothes and dignity have been torn off.
Pieces of the puzzle have always been there...now that I have seen the picture, it’s not that difficult to look back and see the pieces floating through my memories, through my growing up years, through my present times.
Mr. X stole my innocence. Kent, not only took my voice, but he took the most precious gift I could ever give my future husband.
As my eyes close, the scene becomes alive. My mom did not want us to be alone with Kent or his dad. She did not “trust” them. Still, she allowed me to play with him.
The basement. It had a few windows and was pretty much clutter free. There was a small amount of dust on the ground. Not much, just enough to gray your white socks. Once the lights are dimmed, the door is locked, and the jail is organized... the game begins. Running around and getting caught.... going to jail. Either the details of this game are forgotten or they were kept simple, I don’t know. I ended up in the little room... laying down on my side....waiting patiently for him to come and release me so that we could resume the game.
It’s quiet upstairs. His parents are avid gardeners. Many hours each day during the summer are spent outside maintaining their flowers and the garden. We always knew when they came in the house, because the floors creaked underneath their feet.
Kent approaches the jail area and his eyes meet mine. I can see his eyes looking at me. My heart jumps. Something does not feel right. I don’t know what, but it just doesn’t feel right.
He approaches me. He sits down beside me. I am on my side and my heart begins to beat a little extra...His hand gains force and he attempts to push me on my back. I want to scream, but I can’t. I hear his dad’s footsteps upstairs. They are directly above us in the kitchen. If he hears.... no, he can’t hear. Kent finally gets me on my back and he begins to touch me all over. I don’t like what he is doing. He won’t stop. It’s as if I am frozen. His hands have no boundaries. Please.... stop... I am trying to get up, but his hands are holding me down. One hand holds me, the other is touching me. After touching me for a little while, he begins to get on top of me. He is trying to get my shorts off...I’m frozen.. I don’t know how to fight... everything is in slow mo... I lock my legs... hoping that this will prevent him from getting them off. it doesn’t work...he gets them off of me. My heart and body are frozen. He is getting frustrated with my resistence, with my frozen body. My body is not cooperating with him. He’s getting angry... please stop...you’re hurting me...He reaches down with his hands and he touches me again. His hands have some sort of sickening magic because my frozen body begins to melt. It’s so disgusting and I am feeling sick. Without my resistent body to help, my frozen heart is forced to endure what is happening. The more he touches, the more my body betrays me and I cooperate with him. He is on top of me and he is no longer focusing on just touching me. He is now attempting to get inside of me. Please stop. Please stop it.... there’s creeking upstairs....
The deed is complete.
The memory fades and a little girl is gone forever
I was abused in every form by my boyfriend, the thing is, i was only 13. I met Lee at a party and he took me back to his house, i could tell he was drunk but for some reason i was attracted to him. We went to his bedroom and he forced me onto the bed and forced his hand into my pants. I tried to push him off but he was too strong, he unzipped his pants and told me to w**k it. I said no and he slapped me across the face and started calling me a slut, a bitch, every word imaginable. When he let me go home i cried myself to sleep, i was releived to be away from him but i was terrified, my friend had told him where i lived as she was drunk too. The next day i was on my way round to my friends house because i was going to tell her what happened, i walked as quick as i could and kept looking over my shoulder, i turned around and Lee was there. For some reason, it was then i knew i couldn't get away from him. Once he had met my friends he started accusing me of fancying them, i told him i didn't but he wouldn't listen.
The really violent abuse didn't take long to start up, his friend had allegedly saw me talking in the town with one of my male friends, but i wasn't. That night he had got drunk and he took me to his room, he went out for about ten minutes, but it was the longest 10 minutes of my life, he came back holding a belt, you can probably guess what hapened then. I was always trying to cover up the bruises that he left, but there was never any on the face, he always made sure of that. It took me over 6 weeks to recover from that incident, but it didn't take long to start again, he was always saying sorry but it never meant anything.
Lee was always telling me what to wear, he wouldn't let me go anywhere without letting him know where i was going and when i was coming back, he called me fat which led to him making me lose weight and at one point he made me watch as he and his friend beat up my friend Marcus, they said he fancied me and that i would "f**k him if i had just got the chance." Lee was holding my hands behind my back and his friend was beating Marcus, that was the only point i disobyed him. I broke free and tried to help Marcus, Lee ran after me and punched me in the stomach, but Marcus got away, that seemed to be all i was concerned with. After that i wasn't allowed anywhere without him, he phoned me every few hours to make sure i was at home, the thing was i was hardly ever not with him.
My school work gradually got worse, i stopped all my after school clubs because Lee wouldn't let me go, i stopped singing, acting, dancing, all the stuff which made me happy, he didn't want me to be happy, he just wanted me to be there so he could get his sexual pleasure when he wanted it, when he needed it. That's what he needed, he didn't need me. I realise that now.
-Erin
-CT
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