Survivor Stories

Janet's Story

I was sexually molested by a priest in 1998. I never reported him for fear that no one would believe me. By the time the Boston Globe uncovered the ungodly sin of sexual abuse by clergy to their precious children I still was fearful of reporting the priest and now the statue of limitations has run out. He was also part of a vicious slander campaign against me and his sexual molestation was one to harass and degrade me into leaving the church. I lost all my friends, neighbors, and prayer group friendships and was isolated for years. I created a website during the isolated period in order to comfort myself. Today many survivors visit my sight for peace, comfort and spiritual healing. I also wrote a book called, Exposed Secrets, From Shadows into the Light, as a way to seek justice and redeem my name. It is self published as of July 2003.

I was also sexually abused when I was a child. I was raped at the age of 17 and I was gang raped at 16. I never told anyone about this. I find it difficult to talk or write about, but I want to do this now. I was 16 years old and this man I met at a fast food started a friendship with me. He wanted to be my boyfriend and I was thrilled. He was a French man and seemed very nice. He invited me one night to his apartment where three of his friends were also there. They were drinking wine and smoking pot. After getting me drunk the so called boy friend talked me into having sex with him. He then told me that if I cared about him I would also have sex with his three friends. He told me that I could not be his girlfriend unless I had sex with his friends. I remember sitting there thinking about this and how much I wanted this man for a boyfriend. I was drunk and felt intimidated by him, and I didn't want to lose him as a boyfriend so I did what he asked of me. I never saw him again and apparently they got me drunk, intimidated me into doing what he wanted, used me and then dumped me. I didn't know this was statuatory rape at the time, I also did not know that these men, in their late twenties,early thirties, were adults and had a way of manipulating. All these years I thought this was my fault, but as I look back I see the devious way men lure their victims and then work on their emotions to satisfy their needs. Ignorant and vulnerable was my personality and they preyed on that. Or was it my fault? Didn't I have the power to say no? I wonder if I did or whether they would have forced the issue or not had I said no. Regardless of that, I still feel they are the responsible ones who should not have taken advantage of a needy 16 year old girl.

All the stories I've read about sexual abuse victims I would say in retrospect that they were the ones responsible for raping a 16 year old child and that my decision was based on manipulations and being drunk. I am sure this thing happens quite often in a world with many vulnerable needy teenagers and men who are on the prowl.

-Janet

Kate's Story

I haven't ever told anyone my whole story before. Just bit and pieces. I guess that has been what has made me feel safe. Now, I need to share more, though. Before I go crazy.

About five years ago, the person I loved the most in this world, my best friend, took an overdose of herion and died. I never got to say goodbye. It really messed me up for a long time. I started going all of the places I had been with her to try to find some peace. I ended up running into her boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in a long time but I felt like it was fate. Maybe he was what I needed for some closure. I was wrong. Very wrong.

He and I met for coffee a few times and the last time he asked me to come over to his mother's house. He told me that he had some things from my dead friend and that I could have them. So I went with him.

As soon as I got into that house, I knew something was wrong. No one else was there. I turned around to leave but he was behind me. I started to cry and asked him to let me leave but he wouldn't. Instead, he dragged me to this room in the basement where he beat me until I was nearly unconscious. I don't remember too much after that. I remember searing pain, the sound of him breathing in my ear, and the sound of my own pitiful crying. Then, nothing for hours. The next thing I remember was being awake and alone in the dark. I got out of there as fast as I could.

I went home and didn't tell anyone until I realized that I was pregnant. Then I told my good friend and she suggested that I have an abortion but I couldn't. My boyfriend married me. God forgive me but I never told him because I just don't know if my daughter is his or not. Maybe someday. Kate

Faith Porter's Story

I was a young teenager, I was 15 and I was TOTALLY IN LOVE, that's what I thought at the time. I had met this particualar guy named Juan who was 17 at the time and I thought he really liked me because I was good looking girl and I didn't have no steady boyfriend, I thought of guys all the time, I had a few dates here and there, nothing serious. I really liked this juan guy so I was willing to give it a shot, we started talking and then became friends and eventually we became boyfriend/girlfriend. We went out for 5 years off and on, we got engaged down the road. I thought I found the man of my dreams. but I was dead wrong!. He turned out to be one of the biggest assholes of all time. During the relationship if you want to call it that, he wanted sex and he was very jealous if I hung out with another guy. He wanted sex anytime anywhere. if I didn't give it to him, he would do anything he could think at the time to make me very scared and I froze so he could do it right there. I t worked everytime, One time I tried to get away but it wouldn't work, ASSHOLE! I say NO he did it anyway, in broad daylight where everyone can see or during the dark where no one can see. He have done it to me in his room, on the couch, on a car, in a high school parking lot right next to a car, in the car,in the park. I was 15 when it all happened and it progressed for 2 years. I was under age, If I wanted it or not which I didn't, I gave in one day, I got tired of fighting with him and he knew I was waiting until marriage for sex. HE RAPED ME! NO BUTS !RAPE IS RAPE, NO FUCKING excuse. Why I stay with him through the whole thing, because I was young and I loved him and I thought he was the one for me. Finally in college when I was 19, I said ENOUGH, we are finished. I eventually found out he cheated and lied to me, he told me I was the only girl for him, which I wasn't. He fucked around with my best friend who I had at the time. They were going to get married at the time, He lived with her for a while when he had an apartment with his uncle. She eventaully had a son which we thought it was his, but it wasn't. He tried to get back with me one more time and I said NO and he told me he had somebody else and they were going to get married and they did and he is now divorced and has 2 kids and I am married and I have a daughter. We went our seperate ways and I saw him a few times after we broke up and I don't know what he is doing now and I don't want to know. May God forgive him as I forgave him and I don't hate him, but I don't like what he did to me. RAPE IS RAPE AND IT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED! I never reported him because I was scared and I will never forget, the memories will always be there.I am 25 years old now and I have my life and I have learned to move on but it will always bother me what he did to me. I am a born again Christian and I believe in IN JESUS CHRIST, Jesus helped me though it and he can help you through yours. I wrote this because I hope it help you. May God bless you and know that you aren't alone.

Faith Ramsey-Porter

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