Scout's Story
Scout's Story
had been friends with Stewart for about a year and gone out with him briefly. I was 16 and a virgin, in fact that's why he dumped me I think, because I wouldn't put out. I remained friends with him because I still liked him.
One Saturday night he came to my parents door (they weren't at home), he was drunk and had just had a fight with a girl at a party he was with his friend,and worried what his father would say when he saw how drunk he was (he was also 16). I was feeling sorry for him I told his friend to phone his parents and say Stewart was staying with him, which he did, then I said they could hide in my room. when I went to bed he was in it, his friend (who was my friend also)was under my bed asleep and so was my younger sister, it was all a bit of fun so I thought.
I got into my bed I thought he was sleeping, I remember slightly hesitating before I went into bed, but I had absolutely no reason to think anything bad would happen. I don't remember how long it was before it started but he just turned over and got on top of me I was suprised as I thought he was asleep I said "What are you doing?", no reply, he pushed my underwear to the side and I said "Don't, No Stop It" and he penetrated me it was incredibly painful as I was a virgin and was tense, I was in total and utter shock, I couldn't register what was happening, I thought about shouting on my Dad but then he would have walked in and saw this!, my sister was under the bed should I try and get her attention? I couldn't, I bit my lip to stop myself from screaming and turned my head to the side, I couldn't watch him, his face, my friend who was doing this to me. When he was finished he said "That's what you get for messing with the big boys".
That was 16 years ago, I'm now a 32 year old mother of two I've hardly ever spoken of it never mind go to the police about it. I initially thought it had been all my fault anyway for getting in beside him. I've suffered with terrible depression on and off now since then, never thinking that it may be related to this. I saw a Psychologist a year after it happened as that's when I told my Mum, he put me off speaking to anyone about it ever again, told me not to drink too much tea or smoke too many cigarettes, WHAT! it was as if he didn't want me to talk about it, I saw him 5 times and he didn't mention it once.
I have recently been reunited with an old friend of mine who I felt able to talk to, I have told her of my problems with depression previously when I confided in her about the rape, she told me that I should get counselling and gave me a tremendous amount of support she's the first person to listen to me properly and point me in the right direction to get help. Enough of my life has been affected by this and I want to be better I've suffered in silence for 16 years thinking I was over it, but I wasn't because I've NEVER dealt with it, but I am going to now, I want my life back.
Heather's Story
I was seven years old when my dad started taking me on vacations with him the day after christmas. The first one he took me on was to florida to meet my stepcousin. He was the exact same age as me. Born on the same day and everything. They told us to sleep on the floor in his room and that night was the start of three years of on and off abuse.
He told me to touch it and I didn't know what he was talking about until he grabbed my hand and forced it on to him and moved it up and down. Then he told me to lift the covers up and look at it. Then, kiss it. I couldn't do it. The next night he forced it into my mouth. I remember wanting to gag and it tasting bad to me. He wouldn't let me stop until he was ready for me to stop. That was the end of that vacation. I was so confused.
He came up to see me that summer and stayed in a house accross the street. I had completely forgotten about the last time I saw him. Then we were back in his room talking and he told me to take off my clothes and I told him that I wouldn't. He then told me to go on a bike ride with him. I didn't know any better. We went to the park. He threatened me to do things like punch a tree or he would ruin my bike and I would get in so much trouble. I was scared so I punched the tree. Little did I know that he knew he had opened a door to do what he wanted. He got on his bike and told me to follow him. At that point I felt like I didn't have a choice (I was only eight yrs. old). He rode back into the woods and he yelled at me to take off my clothes or he would beat me up. I did and he said someone was coming and that I would get in trouble and left. I put my clothes back on and left. I went to my house (unlocked) and went to my room and he was there. Nobody was at my house at the time and he again forced me to take my clothes off and began to put his finger into me and told me that he was teaching me and that I was a bad person. This would make me a better person. My stepdad came home and he took off. No one found out. That was the end of that trip.
The next winter my dad took me on a cruise and he was going too. While on the cruise he forced me to have sex with him in the movie theater when nobody else was around. He founds some friends and forced me into the bathroom and give them oral sex. One guy said that I didn't have to if I didn't want to. He said that he would cover for me and I cried, silently. The second to last day of the trip we wen t to the pool and swam for about 5 minutes and then my cousin wanted to go see a movie. We got out of the pool and told my dad what we were doing. We went back to our rooms and my cousin told me to come to his room so we could find out what movie was playing. He then forced me to throw up numerous times telling me that I was evil and this would release the evil in me and then said that I needed to get on top of him without my bathing suit. I did. My dad walked in. I ran to the other side of the room. My dad kicked us both out of the room and said he would call for us when he was ready to talk to us. My stepmom told me to come take a nap with her and said that if anyone ever tells you to do something that you don't think is right then don't do it. I didn't understand. My stepmom woke me up and told me that my dad was on the very top deck and he wanted to talk to me. I walked up there by myself. Four flights of stairs and down a dark hall. I got outside and my dad was sitting in a chair with his back against me and told me to sit down. I did. He told me that he was dissappointed in me and that he would never trust me again. He said I was in deep trouble and that he would never forget or forgive this and he didn't want to see my face and told me to go back to my room. I did. He told me he would tell my mom if I did one thing wrong. I knew I would be in big trouble then. He never did. But, I went back home and all was normal.
That was when I came home and my mom and my stepdad started fighting. He would hit her and yell at her. It was like I wasn't even there. He would get drunk and pass out on the floor. I would pull on his hair and jump on him and everyone would laugh. He would walk me around and have me do shots of irish whiskey to impress his friends. They also thought it was cool. He threatened to hit me a couple times. One day at 18 I said I was leaving when he put his fist through the door of the room my mom was sleeping and we both left and I moved in with my dad. Obviously, that worked out real well. I moved away to college and would have panic attacks. I think that is when I first started really noticing the dissociation stuff. I didn't know what it was until recently, but I was in a movie quite frequently. I moved back home. This time with my mom. Started doing drugs with her and wasn't until I moved in with my boyfriend who is now my husband that I was able to move on.
I was 15 a big party girl my boy friend had just dumped me and it was rebound time. my best friend suggested i should do a blind date with my other friends cousin i was a bit nervous but agreed anyway. i got ready me my bestfriend and my other so called friend got the bus to his cousins house . I hate using the word friend to describe him. we arrived at his cousins house i was really nervous but as soon as i saw him i liked him and decided to give it a try. he was really nice to me at first he brought me stuff he was so careing butit changed when it came to the sex stuff . i was only 15 he was 20 i kept saying i wanted to wait for my 16th birthday he would always get moody about it an say that hed already ben waiting 6 months. one night we went to the cinama on the way back he was talking about how the sex scene in the movies turned him on . we chatted a little bit then he pullrd over in to a dark bushy lane sort of thing. we was kissing and stuff and getting along ok i thought i was ready for it he lifted up my top and started touching me i thought this isnt so bad but when he lifted up my skirt and touched me i knew i wasnt ready i was shouting 4 him to stop he wouldent so i slapped him round the face he started hitting me repeatedly calling me a bitch he sat up to calm down i was holding my face i couldent belive it . i opened the car door and got out and started walking he started to drive after me telling me to get back in the car i told him to get lost and that it was over he said fine and drove off. he kept ringing me comeing around my shcool . 3 weeks later tony which is my so called friend said he wanted to talk to me about his cousin. he told me that he said he was verry sorry 4 hitting me and he wants me back but i stood my ground he then told me that the reason his cousuin is like that is coz he was beaten alot as a child and because have had been hit alot in the past too i felt sorry for him . It was two days before my 16th birthday and i went to my ex boyfriends brothers party to hope fully get back with him . what a fool i was i should have known . That was the night my life changed . i was at the party but there was no sign of my ex a guy i knew asked me to dance i said ok. we were danceing when all of a sudden me ex came in and went mad coz i was danceing with this guy . he slammed me against the wall hit the other guy and stated yelling at me calling me all types of hoorrible names. I went to leave but he chased after me he grabbed my arm and was yelling more his face was red with rage i thought he was seriously going to hurt me i managed to break away from him and ran upstairs to the bathroom. He was banging on the door for ages eventually he stopped i must have waited roughly about 15 minuites i unlocked the door and looked out no one there i heared alot of shouting from down stairs so i thought he was down stairs i crept along the hall about to go down stairs when he grabbed me and pulled me into the bed room he shoved me onto the floor i got back up and ran for the door but he grabbed me back he had 1 hand on my throat the other he put in his pocked and pulled out a flick knife he said he was gonna kill me if i didnt do what he wanted i belived him he stepped back from me he waved the knife at my top and told me to take it off i did and he orded me to take everything off slowly 1 thing at a time i was crying histericaly by this time . I heard a noise i realised it was the bed room door handel i ran to the door and some 1 walked in it was my so called friend tony i ran to him and hugged him i thought he was gonna save me but he shoved me away and locked the door i couldent belive what was happening first my boyfriend now my friend . tony stood there looked me up and down smileing my ex came back up to me and started touching me i was screaming for him to stop begging him he wasnt listening . tony took the knife and waved it in my face and said shut the fuck up or ill cut you i tried to controll my crying . my ex then told me to lay on the bed i couldent move with fear he was shouting and swearing at me to get on the bed but i couldent was just standing there naked . tony grabbed me and threw me to the floor i hit my head on the bed side cabinet i could feel i was bleeding my ex walked up to me and goton top of me he was touching me and his self i made my self try and move he told tony to come and hold my arms tony did my ex kept hitting me he then he raped me after he finished he got up and laughted he said look at the state of u you sad slag he grabbed the knife off tony and told me go get up and go over to the bed i couldent move i was in so much pain i was constantly crying not i was bleeding everywhere i was a vergin too . he kept screaming at me to get up but i couldent they both grabbed me up and made me kneel by the bed my ex told me i had to suck tony i didnt move he punched me in the back of the head again and kept slapping and kicking me tony un zipped his trousers and pulled my head fowards and put it in my mouth i couldent move my body at all so tony pulled and pushed my head up and down . when he had finished he threw me to the floor . He zipped him self up and went to leave before they left my ex said to me dont bother telling anyone about this coz they will never belive u and always remember ur a dirty lil whore who got what she deserved . they left i just layd where i was crying i eventually got my clothes back on and went down stairs no 1 was around . i tried to start to walk home i didnt get verry far i couldent walk much my legs were like jelly i dont remember what happened next i remember lying on the grass at the side of the road there was headlights right infrount of me it was a black car i thought it was my ex i tried to climb on to my feet but it hurt so much but this woman got out of the car ran over to me i must have gone unconcious the next thing i knew i was in hospital everyone kept asking what happened i said i was beaten up by a gang from school i told the police nothing ii stayed in hospital for 4 days . i didnt tell a single soul anything for three months eventually i told my beat friend and she helped me alot to this day my family still doesnt know . im 21 now am and in councelling i think im getting better and i survived .
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