Survivor Stories

Anonymous

It all started when i was 4-5 while i was using the public bathroom in the school and a man walked in and was looking at me while i was using the bathroom he checked the stalls then stood behind me then i felt his hands on my side going downwards then i remeber is sitting on his lap in the stall while he removed his pants and told me to do the same i was so scared so i did and he placed me on his lap and and he had his hand between my legs and was using his hands on me all over then he forced me to feel his penis while he felt mine asking me if it felt good then forced me to preform oral sex while his hands where still between my legs playing with his weenis then sat me on his lap again but this time his weenis start to enter me and he stayed in for what felt like hours then he crawled away. i was so afraid to leave i ran out of school and ran home this was only the first later on i was abused by my friend's father he told me that i had to help him with something in the basement. one day when i stopped to grab something i left there he asked me to help him move a cabinet and i said ok but while it was moving a contair on the top tipped over and cover us both in some kind of grease so i used his bathroom to clean up while i was undressed he walked into the bathroom and took a piss then asked if i was talking a shower and i said yes so he left and i got in then he wait and walked in while i was in the shower got undressed and joined me in the shower. I was confused at first and asked what he was doing and he said just taking a shower the soap dropped in front of him and i bent down to get it while i was trying to stand up he forced my head towards his weenis and forced me to preform oral sex then he slammed my head off the shower wall and pinned me on my stomach and entered me from behind i was unconious for about 30mins i woke up naked in the bathroom and i ran all the way home for week's and months i tried every drug possible and allmost died several times now iam living home with my parents and i go to a school for 3 hours a day.

Anonymous

I am a sixteen year old male, and I come from a pretty wealthy family. My dad is rarely home, and my mom raised my sister and I. When I was eleven, my sister (17 at the time) was having a sleepover/pool party with a group of her girlfriends from school. We all went swimming in our pool, and after about a half hour of playing around in there my mom left. We'd been playing marco polo, and I was having a lot of fun. My sister and I always got along sort of well, and her friends treated me pretty nice. I was obviously a virgin at this time, and I hadn't even ever seen another naked person before. Much less did I know what a naked girl looked like. I was starting to get interested in girls, but just in that little kid sort of curious way. This story is hard for me to tell. One of my sister's friends took off her bathing suit and laid down to "get some sun". I was totally enraptured by the brief glimpse I got of her breasts before she laid down on her stomach. I was afraid, confused, and totally excited. To this day, I do not know whether this was planned or not, but eventually, all of the girls had removed their swimsuits and exposed themselves to me in a way I had never known before. They eventually walked me into taking off my shorts. I was in shock and basically began to do whatever they said. They told me to touch them all over and to feel their breasts. They told me that they liked my "cute little boy dick" and wanted me to "f*** them with it". I got scared and tried to sneak off into my room. They ended up grabbing me and taking me into my sister's room. There, they raped me for several hours. My mom assumed I was asleep in my room and the girls were in my sister's room doing "girl things". I had my first orgasm that night, not by choice. My sister's friends took turns riding on top of me until they came. Then my sister raped me. They forced me to give all them oral sex several times as well. Later in the night, several young men came over. The girls and them had sex all night in my sister's room. Then the men decided to "have fun" with me. They made me suck on all of their penises and swallow their semen. Then they anally raped me and beat me up. By the end of that night, I had been raped several times by everyone in the room and I ended up falling asleep on the floor. They put me back in my room, and my mother never found out. Since then, and to this day, my sister and her friends have sexually abused me on a frequent basis. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Josie's Story

In 1959 I was tied, gagged, and raped by a blind date. He was an older man. The date was set up by a casual school friend and I had no idea the man was not only older, but also married and the father of three small children. On the date we all drank some wine. I was a rather wild teen for those days but I was still a virgin. The wine made me feel llike I was older and wiser than I realy was. At the time I still was not aware of his circumstances only that he was older than I expected. We were with the other couple so I was not in the least concerned about my safety. The thought did not even cross my mind. In the course of the evening we got into some heavy necking. At that point I thought it was exciting to be doing that with an older man. However, later I learned that he was married and a father. I then told my friend that I wanted to go home. My date was driving so he decided to drop off my friend and her date first as they lived closer to where we were. I thought nothing of that either. After he dropped them off he started driving around and I finally realized that we weren't getting nearer to my house. It was out in the country and I finally asked him if we were lost. I thought maybe the wine had him confused as it had sort of rattled me. At that time he pulled off the road and began kissing me. I thought that if I kissed him back he would then take me home so for a few minutes I did. Then I told him I really needed to go home. At that point (although I blocked some of it out and never recovered it) he grabbed me and said that I was not going to get away with teasing him. He started to take off his belt and undo his pants and I began to plead and resist him. I considered getting out of the car and running but it was late and dark and I did not know exactly where I was or if there were any houses nearby. I felt he could get me or run me down or something so I decided not to try that. I did, however, continue to try to resist. I was a 92 pound teenager and he was a grown man. It wasn't much of a contest. He then slapped me and took off his tie. He tied my hands with it. He then took a handkerchief out of his pocket and stuffed it in my mouth. As I still continued to struggle he removed his belt and put it around my neck and then proceeded to use it as a weapon. He pulled it tight enough to cut my air off so then I would stopped fighting him. I was not willing to lose my life over it. He then proceeded to rape me. When he was done he fixed himself up and proceeded to drive me home - or so I thought. But instead he pulled off the road again and told me that it was so good the first time he wanted some more. Perhaps he thought I would consent that time, but once again I pleaded with him not to do it. He once again tied my hands and put the belt around my throat although I did not try to fight him the second time. He used the belt just in case I did fight so he would be able to "persuade" me to cooperate. When he was finished for the second time he told me that if I told anyone he would find my younger sister and do the same thing to her. That terrified me more than anything he could have done to me. He finally drove me home and dropped me off telling me he hoped he could see me again soon. I felt so dirty that I immediately got into the shower and also washed out my underwear which had virgin blood on them. I was going to try to hide it from my parents who were in bed when I got home. Then the next day after thinking about it and realizing I could be pregnant I decided to write my parents a note and tell them about it. My mother had found my underwear in the wash and just thought I was starting my period early. My father came to me and asked me what I wanted to do. He said if I went to the authorities it would become public and would reflect on my sister who was two years younger than I was and rather a little "miss goody-two-shoes" compared to me - their "wild child". And after thinking about the man's family I told my dad I did not want him "taken care of" either. Fortunately I did not become pregnant. This man then had the audacity to call me several times and ask me to go out with him and seemed not to understand why I refused to talk to him. And so for years it was swept under the rug and never mentioned. We all pretended it never happened, but underneath I lived with it every day. It affected the way I interacted with men and it affected my sex life when I later married. I told my fiance before we married so he would understand why I was not a virgin and then we never spoke of it again for many years. It was probably 10 or more years before I could even admit out loud that it had happened and then only in very controlled circumstances and very infrequently. Then finally about 20 years ago when I was about 40 I was in a gathering of women friends and I just decided to come out with it. It was a very cleansing thing. Even though I had come to terms with it long before that and knew it was not my fault still it was good to finally say it out loud in public. I think now that I can be of help to others who have lived through this.

-Josie

Jazz's Story

I THOUGHT I HAD THE PERFECT LIFE. AT LEAST THATS WHAT PEOPLE ALWAYS TOLD ME. I WAS BROUGHT UP IN AN LDS(MORMON ) HOME AND HAD A WONDERFUL FAMILY. I HAD FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL WITH HONORS AND WAS READY FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE. WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW WAS THIS NEW CHALLENGE WOULD CHANGE ME FOREVER. I BEGAN DATING A GUY "BRAD" WHO I THOUGHT WAS GREAT. WE WENT EVERYWHERE TOGETHER. I AM NOT A SLEEPING AROUND KIND OF GIRL SO HE KNEW MY RULES ON NO SEX. ONE NIGHT HE CALLED ME CRYING SAYING HE REALLY NEEDED TO SEE ME. IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT,BUT I WENT BECAUSE I CARED ABOUT HIM. WHEN I WALKED INTO HIS APARTMENT HE HAD JUST MADE PINA COLADA IN THE BLENDER. I DONT DRINK,BUT I FOUND OUT HE DID. AFTER A WHILE I WANTED TO GO HOME,HE SAID NO AND BEGAN KISSING ME AND THINGS KEPT GOING FROM THERE. I WAS SO SCARED BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY WHEN I SAID I NEEDED TO GO AND I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT HE WOULD DO TO ME IF I TRIED TO LEAVE. SO I ALLOWED HIM TO DO WHAT HE WANTED. HE FORCED SEX ON ME AND WORSE,ORAL.WHEN HE FINALLY FELL ASLEEP I GRABBED MY DRESS AND RAN OUT TO MY CAR CRYING. I FELT SO VIOLATED AND DIRTY.THE FIRST THING I DID WAS TAKE A SHOWER. A COUPLE DAYS LATER HE HAD THE NERVE TO CALL ME AND TOLD ME TO COME OVER AND PICK UP MY BRA THAT I LEFT. HE ALSO CALLED ME A SLUT AMONG MANY OTHER THINGS. THIS GUY LIED TO ME ABOUT HIS RELIGION, MORALS, EVEN HIS LIFE. IT HAS NOW BEEN A LITTLE OVER A YEAR SINCE THE RAPE, SINCE THEN I HAVE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE AND MARRIED THE GUY OF MY DREAMS. MY HUSBAND PAUL AND I MET 3 WEEKS AFTER THE RAPE SO YOU CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE NIGHTMARE HE HAD TO GO THROUGH. HE WAS MY ROCK, BECAUSE OF HIM I WAS ABLE TO GET OUT SOME OF MY PAIN AND GRIEF. SINCE THE RAPE I HAVE BECOME MORE JEALOUS, ANGRY, UNTRUSTING, AND SAD. I CANT EVEN WATCH MOVIES ANYMORE BECAUSE IM WORRIED A WOMAN THAT LOOKS GREAT WILL SHOW UP AND I WILL FEEL INADEQUITE. I HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM TOWARD MY BODY AND HOW I LOOK. I WENT FROM BEING A BEAUTY QUEEN WITH SELF ESTEEM TO A GIRL WHO HAS A HARD TIME LOOKING AT HERSELF WITHOUT UNHAPPINESS. "BRAD" TOOK SO MUCH FROM ME,HE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND,NOR WOULD HE CARE. I AM THE ONE WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH HIS EVIL EVERY DAY. I TELL PEOPLE,DON'T JUDGE OTHERS AND DON'T SAY "I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH" IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN IN MY POSITION. RAPE HURTS,IT DESTROYES A HUGE PART OF YOU, IT MAKES YOU HATE MEN, HATE SEX, HATE ANYTHING THAT DEALS WITH LOVE. IT CAN TAKE YOUR VERY LIFE AWAY TO THE POINT WHERE YOU THINK,"WHY NOT JUST... DIE". BUT LIFE IS WORTH MORE THAN JUST SAYING GOODBYE. LIFE IS MAKING NEW MEMORIES, COUNSELING, FAMILY LOVE,FRIENDS AND MOST IMPORTANT ACCEPTING THE PAST AND LOOKING TOWARD THE FUTURE. I DID NOT LET "BRAD" WIN. I DID NOT GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION OF KNOWING HE DESTROYED ME. I'M LIVING MY LIFE, IM WORKING FOR MY GOALS AND I AM LIVING UP TO MY DREAMS. I AM NOT THE KIND OF GIRL THAT WANTS TO LOOK BACK ON MY LIFE AND THINK TO MYSELF THAT HE STOPPED ME. STOPPED ME FROM LOVING AGAIN, STOPPED ME FROM FULFILLING MY DREAMS, AND LIVING THE LIFE THAT I HAVE ALWYAS DREAMED OF. A LIFE WITH A MAN WHO LOVES ME.

-Jazz