Caoimhe's Story
Caoimhe's Story
The hardest part for me is starting to tell my story. Once I've begun it's not too bad. I feel bad at the moment because it's over three years since I was sexually assaulted and I'm still not over it. I get impatient every day with the pace of my healing but I'm learning to be more patient as time goes by.
The first part of this really embarasses me. I was twenty three and a virgin when my stepfather assaulted me. At 23 I may have had the body of a woman but inside I was a frightened little girl. My parents separated when I was twelve and within a few months my mother moved the other man as I call my now stepfather into the house. My father was never really around much so I had to grow up quickly and learn how to look after myself. I have always had a sensible streak so took over a lot of household responsibilities.
When I was assaulted I was just beginning to get my life together. I was finally doing what I wanted with my life - I had a job as a shop assistant and I was really enjoying it. My mother went on holidays to Paris with my youngest sister. My other sister was in hospital and my niece was staying with her childminder. Thus, the scene was set. I was left in the house with the other man. I was not happy about this. He had been making moves on me for about six months previous to this time - hugging me for too long and fondling my bum and breasts, with the result that I was avoiding him at every possible opportunity and hiding out in my room with the door locked. My mind would not let me acknowledge this fact and shut down the oh-oh feeling in my stomach.
It was a thursday and i was working late. He came to pick me up. I was freaked out. I got home to find out that he had bought me lots of chocolates to surprise me or so he said. This made me uneasy. Later that evening I made him some tea and went to bring it to him. He asked for a hug and I gave it to him. He reached up under my t-shirt and started fondling my breast. I pulled away and went and stood in the kitchen for a long time. I eventually returned to the sitting room hoping that he would fall asleep in his chair so that I could go up to my room. Unfortunately this did not happen. At about 10pm I made to go to bed. He blocked the door leading upstairs and started fondling my breast again. After the previous occasion I had deliberately tucked in my t-shirt. This time he started flicking the waistband of my trousers and started asking me to kiss him. That's when I really freaked out and ran up the stairs. I sat in my room in the dark shaking for ages and ages. Then I started going to the loo every few minutes - that's what I do when I'm nervous. At one stage he wanted me to go into him in his room. I wouldn't, I knew if I would that he would rape me. I got the key to the next door neighbour's house, gathered clothes for the next day and snuck out and quickly made my way there. Within a few minutes the banging on the door started ( it was him) this continued at twenty minute intervals for the rest of the night. I was really really really really scared. I nearly let him in at one stage but some part of me wouldn't let me move.
It was a thursday and i was working late. He came to pick me up. I was freaked out. I got home to find out that he had bought me lots of chocolates to surprise me or so he said. This made me uneasy. Later that evening I made him some tea and went to bring it to him. He asked for a hug and I gave it to him. He reached up under my t-shirt and started fondling my breast. I pulled away and went and stood in the kitchen for a long time. I eventually returned to the sitting room hoping that he would fall asleep in his chair so that I could go up to my room. Unfortunately this did not happen. At about 10pm I made to go to bed. He blocked the door leading upstairs and started fondling my breast again. After the previous occasion I had deliberately tucked in my t-shirt. This time he started flicking the waistband of my trousers and started asking me to kiss him. That's when I really freaked out and ran up the stairs. I sat in my room in the dark shaking for ages and ages. Then I started going to the loo every few minutes - that's what I do when I'm nervous. At one stage he wanted me to go into him in his room. I wouldn't, I knew if I would that he would rape me. I got the key to the next door neighbour's house, gathered clothes for the next day and snuck out and quickly made my way there. Within a few minutes the banging on the door started ( it was him) this continued at twenty minute intervals for the rest of the night. I was really really really really scared. I nearly let him in at one stage but some part of me wouldn't let me move.
Thanks for letting me share my story.
Yari's Story
Everything started when i wus 4 yrs old one of my dad's bestfriend used to live w/ us at home. Until one day i wus at his room b/c he calls me to go in, he started disrespected me by grabbing my body but the good thing he didn't raped me. He apologized sooo many times, he wus crying telling me to forgive him and i did. Most of all b/c i wus so confused and especially my age only 4 years old an innocent little girl. Few months later he didn't lived no more w/ us he gone into a fight w/ my dad n he left. I had a very bad childhood, my parents fighting and my dad sometimes wanted to kill my mother and my parents ignoring me. I have a brother he's 4 yrs older than i am by that time he wus 8 yrs old. When i turn 7 yrs old,one of my male cousin's came from mexico, my parents open our doors for him. He started to live in my house i really don't remember much i just remember that he always used to play w/ me, like hiding go seek, or do something really fun until that day i wus alone w/ him. My parents were working and my brother aged of 11 or 12 wus in school. I wus on top of my cousin's shoulders he wus riding me. Suddenly He throw me on my bed and started kissing me, grabbing my private parts and taking out my clothes. In that moment i didn't know what to do, i wus confuse and so scared, in that little moment i knew it wasn't right what he wus doing. I started to cry i told him to please stop to not hurt me he took out his penis and try to put it in. I screamed he wus hurting me soo much i couldn't stand the pain. I smacked him and hit him on the balls, he let go. I ran to the bathroom and came out when i knew my brother got home. Later that afternoon i told my brother he told him to not tell my parents it wasn't a big deal if i do tell them they were gonna get mad at me. So i didn't, my cousin raped me everyday. It wus a nightmare, he brainwashed me saying it wus ok. Then when he left out of the house w/out saying anything he stoled my parents money. Right after he left few days later my brother started to raped me. I never thought my brother would do something like that. To make this short i got raped by him for soo long age of 7-12 yrs old. I got raped so many times by so many men in total, i wus raped 5 or more different men in my life. Last year i wus raped by two guys who i wus in their house who toxic me gave me this drug in my beer, i blacked out. I don't remember how it happen i know that i wus throwing up their bathroom and the three guys looking at me and i wus all naked too. I don't remember how i got home but i got home i remember i wus in my bathroon throwing up and my parents found me passed out on the bathroom floor. Like 2hrs later i woke up kind of nude on my bed. I looked myself on the mirror still drunk i saw bruises all over my whole body. Then i just brushed my teeth, comb my hair and that wus it my mom took me to school. I try my best not to act i wus still drunk,i went to school like that. Everybody looked at me weird, they have never seen me like that before they all thought i wus high (smoked up marijuana). But i wasn't high.
I got lot more to say but i just don't want to write all my story down. It have been very painful in my life but my family dont understand my trauma, my pain and how much i have suffered in my life. I'm this depression i have it since all that shit have happen to me. I'm not going to no theraphy or nothing like that but i wish i could. I just need some time.
Thank You very much for reading my story...
-Yari
You keep your friends close, and your victims closer:
You knew I was the one when I walked through that door. I looked like I needed company, and without my approval you pulled up a chair. I just wanted you to leave me alone, you were spitting on my food as you blabbed on and on...blah blah blah...Then I actually looked at you, your green eyes and charming smile. I began to hear the words coming out of your mouth. I became interested, infatuated. One week later we're on top of the ski jump, smoking pot and drinking beer. I'm afraid of heights, so when I sat down and scooted on my butt down the steep stairs, gripping tightly onto the railing like I was going to fall, you scooted with me and held my hand. You took me back to your place, and tried a little romancing. I dismissed your attempts at getting laid, you didn't seem to mind. We hung out over the next few weeks, I considered you to be a good friend and a gentleman .I woke up one Sunday morning, the previous night was a blur of violence and chaos. Getting into the shower that morning made the events of that night a little more clear. Now there was only anger, confusion, and the feeling that no matter how hard I scrubbed I could never get clean again. I became catatonic, three weeks with you and three months in a psych ward. You tried to contact me, always. You wanted to apologize, make things right so you wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore. You're not sorry, you can't even admit to what you did. I spread the story of the filthy things that happened all over the east side, and they spilled your blood all over the street...but still you deny it, to this day it never happened. I am detirmined to see that you get what you deserve, and a merciless beating is not what I have in mind. I will be the cause of all your torture for the rest of your life, I'll see to you it that you have NO LIFE. You'll have nothing but bars and brick walls....and a roommate named Bubba who will show you what it's like to be the victim. I do not forgive you, swallow your apologies, and let your guilt swallow you.
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