Robb's Story
Robb's Story
Hi!
I was raped in the literal (intercourse) six or seven times between 12-14 ..I now have horror dreams about this part of my life..I have developmented severe epilepsy and have long standing problems with relationships..trust..and acceptance.
The first time is Burned into my soul..and a few weeks ago I finally was driven to write it down..in "vivid" detail. I was staying at my grandparents farm and my older cousin came to see if I could do things with him. I agreed and got my grandmother to say "ok". He met some "friends"..and with guns they went to a woods nearby to go "hunting"..I didn't like it. His friends teased me about being,a girl...not liking guns..hunting.."guy things" It kept escalating until between gun blasts they ordered me to undress. I began by refusing..but was shot at..and told I would be shot if I refused. Eyes filled with tears..I slowly undressed..and eventually had nothing on. I was led away without my clothes..and a few minutes later was forced to perform oral sex on one of the rapist. They then held me down while "everyone" repeatedly sodomized me. I felt like a something..no longer a someone..their.."ragdoll..eventually "blanked out", and when I came they came to they were gone. I eventually found my way home..but never spoke to anyone about any of this for over twenty years..to this day if I hear or.."read" the "real" version of this assault.. it still scares me and makes me cry..and I feel "hollow" inside. I am convinced that it injuries..or changes your.."Soul"..and your "personality". I am so proud of you..and for you doing this because we "survivors" have to turn to each other..and the "word"..has to get out to the public that.."MEN" deal with this too.why I forced myself to do this here.it's not a gender specific crime..it's violence..NOT lovemaking..or even sex. THANKS:) Robb
My rape occured in late 2002....until that point I didnt believe aquintance rapes could happen, esp. with a long term friend. After coming from his highshool reunion, I drove him back home. He asked me to pullover and that he needed to talk. He gave me a real sob story and from the passengers seat I reached over to give him a hug and he did not let go. Instead he forced himself onme and forced me on the middle consel. He kept making reference that my exhusband said "I was great in bed" and it was then that I fully realized he was obviously still in contact with him. I tryed to fight him through this whole ordeal....and finally after bitting his shoulder, got him off and pushed him away. To make a very long story short.....I just went through the whole justice procedure and it was not at all pleasent. I truly believed I needed to do that for myself and the police department s crime lab messed up big time with collecting certain evidence. And the attorneys stated it really couldnt go forward because the only cases that make it is where someone is almost beaten to death or hurt real obvious. This makes me so enraged because he is now free and walking the streets.....I was offered to go the STAR Program, but thought this might assist me better. I personally would like to start a support group online and even. also with meetings in Montgomery County , MD. I am working currently on setting up a website for survirours of any type of sexual abuse and/or rape. Please email me for more information..... None of us are alone and everyone needs to heal through support of others. God bless
Right now this is very difficult for me to share this story to everyone, I know this will help others who have been in the same prediciment as I have. I was raped last month by an aquaintance. I went out with a couple of friends after work all three of us decided to go out but we weren't sure where. After about 9:30pm Gary and Sandra dropped by my apartment. I got dressed and left. Gary asked us both we should stop by work to see Jon, we agreed we met Jon there and he agreed to join us after work. As we passed by the main road Gary noticed his friends place and decided to check out the party and asked us both to join him. We got in the house there were people there crowded. Gary met up wth his friend Phil, he introduced us to Phil and offered us drinks and he offered us some weed. I couldnt remember much except having 3 shots of Captian blacks and 4 beers we were having a good time Sandra was sober although she hated beer she had weed, Gary only had one drink. soon afterwards Phil sat in the couch next to me and we talked seemed that everything was fine until Gary and Sandra left the house I remember them telling me that they will pick up Jon at work. I wasn't feeling too well and kept throwing up I asked Phil when will they be back, Phil offered me some more weed he sat there pulled me down the bed and closed the door behind him and told me to relax, I guess it was around 10:30pm, I told him I wasn't feeling too well and that I needed time to stand, I passed out I woke up to find Phil had his hands on my breasts and his pants down, I knew I put myself in this position and got scared, he had his hands down my pants and fondled me. I got numbed I knew he put something on my drink or offered me weed and had put something in there I pulled his hands away from me, (he was on top of me) I told him to stop, I got even more scared all I could remember is that Phil said he was interested in me and Sandra and that he wanted my number I made some excuse said later. I passed out again. He continued to do what he was doing i got up, and feeling numb, I couldn't move and prayed to god that he would stop. All I could remember is that people would come in and out of the room connected to the doorway I wanted to leave. I managed stumble over and opened the door, Phil, behind me grabbed me and asked me where I was going, I told him I wanted to leave, I went downstairs opened the front door and continued to vomit, Phil followed me and asked me not to leave. Inside I cried knowing that Sandra and Gary was gone picking up Jon from work is what he said, I continued to pass out, I asked him what he done to me Phil continued to say nothing, he pressed himself against the wall and had his hand on my breasts he continued to fondle me. one of my hands were in his penis. All I wanted to do was to leave and get myself away from him. Gary, Sandra and Jon came by the house I cried rape and told them that Phil assaulted me. Angry Gary punched the wall, Sandra upset apologized to me they regretted leaving me there thinking that nothing would happen, I told them that it was my fault I continued to cry. Later Gary, Sandra and Jon rushed me to the hospital. I was too drunk and out of it, Gary picked me up took me to the hospital. I cried I kept asking them to take me home, they refused and continued to calm me down the medical nurses and doctor told me that they will do some tests and start the rape kit. All I could remember is that they told me to take off all my clothes what I had on, while Gary went to my apartment to get more clothes for me they explained that it would take a short time to finish the examination, I continued to pass out and they asked me for verbal consent, I finally gave them to go ahead, scared I started to shake not knowing what was in my system all I could remember is that I had some marijuana and vicadon in me mixed with alcohol the doctor said was deadly. After Gary, Sandra and Jon took me home I was too sick and continued to throw up, Gary offered me water to get rid of the alcohol. I cried and apologized to them what happened they told me it was not my fault I told them my recklessness caused this to happen they were angry what Phil have done to me. I just met him and this happenes to me, I woke up the next day in shock one of my friends called me I broke down in tears and cried told him what had happend the other night. At this point I became in shock I called out sick from work for two shifts went back to work on wednesday, my friends were angry for me to come back to work. Scared I told them not to tell my parents or my family under any circumstances I was too ashamed. I started to fall deep in depression although I was treated in the past for depression it got worse I thought my life is over I will never be the same again I thought I was untouchable I couldnt get rape I had a negative thinking that people ask for this to happen. I couldn't stand myself anymore and wished that I should die, that I deserve to be raped, maybe if I did not drink and act more responsible this could not happen. I am educated why me? why this? I couldn't face my parents knowing that they are traditional and dont drink the last time I went out and got drunk was last new years, I mean going out wouldn't hurt, I guess this happens for a reason, my god why me? I finally told my mom and sister my sister didnt take it too well though she said that I was bad I deserved what I got and will go to hell I understand it took it personally of course she's my sister my blood. I will never be the same again. I just want to let everyone know that rape is traumatic dont let living your life become ruined by this event seek a couselor or a thearpist or a doctor things will get better for you I promise. I hope by reading this you will find out that youre not the only one that been raped. take care
Copyright © 2002
