Survivor Stories

Toni's Story

I was living in Queens. I had just moved to New York 6 months earlier to pursue an acting career. I went out alone one night in my neighborhood called Woodside. I was being very careful as a woman on her own. I found myself in a bar where a few men kept buying me drink after drink and i was turning them down over and over again before I realised that I was a piece of prey in this situation and it could get dangerous. I decided i needed to get home as quickly as possible. So i dashed out of the bar and into the first cab that was parked outside the door. The driver had led me in through the front door, and in my haste i accepted that. I gave him my address and before i knew it he was turning off the correct route. "This is not the way!" I kept yelling. Then i don't remember what happened, i blacked out for some reason, but woke up to the cab driver trying to kiss me. I had no idea where we were now, but as i felt his aggression, i told myself, "this is serious, you need to survive this". I somehow got him off of me and out of the cab, he chased me down and we had a huge fight on the sidewalk. I just remember thinking, "punch from your shoulder, kick from your quads!" I was trying to muster my strength from every cell of my muscles to fight him off. Meanwhile I was screaming bloody murder thinking someone was going to hear me, but no one did. I still thought i could get away at this point, as long as he did not get me back into the cab. But i was no match for his strength and he tossed me into the back seat. I kept screaming. And punching him every chance i got. This of course aggravated him and he punched me right back over and over and over again, but i didn't care. Finally he tore my panties off and entered me with his penis whilst he forced his tongue into my mouth. I tried to bite it. I tried to poke his eyes out. I kept on screaming. He decided to strangle me. I lost my ability to scream, I lost my ability to breathe. Then i realised I was probably going to die and suddenly I was ok with it. Suddenly I realised that the world is an ugly ugly place, and this is my chance to leave it,so why don't I just relax and go with it? I had accepted death. And then it was over, he tossed me and my torn panties out of the car, and sped away. It was now 7:51 am, it was light out. According to police, it was 3 am when i had left the bar, so for almost 5 hours the assault persisted. The police could not make sense of it and neither could i. All i know is that i ended up in the Emergency Room with a bright light shining in my eyes, my fingernails being scraped, and cold metal instruments in my vagina. I cried profusely and I could not remember my phone number or the number of any of my friends. Billions of doctors and dectectives questioned and harrassed me, and a few weeks later my mother said it would have never happened if i was not such a whore. Ahhh, the irony. The world is an ugly ugly place, and still we are stuck here to try to find the beauty in it. Part of me definitely did die in the back seat of that cab, but most of me wishes all of me did. Ahhh, the irony.

-Toni

Anonymous's Story

My brother and i r about 18 yrs apart(I know a big age difference huh) well my mom died giving birth to me and my dad killed himself shortly therafter. so my brother raised me. it might have been after my dad thats when i think it was but who knows all i knwo is that now he is a phyco. It was the day afte my first piriod had ended and i was so releived i got in the bathtub. not to long after that i heard some guys. probably just some of my brothers friends i said. but it sounded like more than jsut a couple then i heard my brother say hey guys sry i lied we're not havin a party we're havin better. my sister just had her piriod that means she can get pregnate! andi want u guys to pop her one till she dont know where shes at. i was terrified. pretty soon a guy came in to the bathroom naked i was mortified i was only 11! he picked me up out of the bathtub itried to get away but it was no use! then he said im gunna teach u how to fuck likea woman! and he laid me on the bed and dried me off i was to dscared to move. then he straddled on top of my up by my breasts. he took his penis and put it up to my mouth and i turned away but then he got angry and grabbed my mouth and said OPEN so i did and he shoved it in! it was horrible it tasted so bad then he said mover ur tounge around and make me hard i had no idea what that meant but i didnt move my tounge then he took ahold of one of my nipples and started to twist it hard it was excruciating so i did i moved it around alot he started to make sounds then the penis started to quiver and the worst hottest precum started to gush itno my mouth! i swallowed some but tried to spit most of it out then he took my hand and mde me feel his penus he made me stroke it it begain to get harder and harer then he gushed cum real cum all over ema and then laughed then he said i think shes hard enough and as soon as i knew it it was the most pain i had ever felt he shoved his cock so far up my vagina i started to bleed then he started to pump it in and out cum gushing into my cooch i was screaming and crying then all of a sudden i felt it it was a gush and i know now that that was sperm then i started orgasiming a new expierience then i started to arch my bak so he took advatage and shoved it even farther when he was dun he said next and another naked man aproached he started with his fingers and shoved 3 of them up my cooch it hurt sooo bad! i counted 20 men. adn i was so tired i thought i was going to faint the coveres were soaked in my blood the mens cum and seemen and my body fluids. then when i thought it was all over my brother approached and said now that u knwo how to fuck i get a chance at the expert. that night my own brother did ever possible sex position known to man (or at least it seemed like it!) after they all left my cooch was so swollen that not one guy could fit ne sized dick up there. my legs were shaking like none other and i fell asleep. 3 weeks later my brother gave me a pregnacy test and it turned out to be positive! i was 11 yrs old 12 yrs old when i had my first child more unbearable pain but even worse while i was pregnant the same guys fucked me ever week. and after i had Ilija my first child i concieved my next the day i got out of the hospital i am now 20 i have 3 children and i dont know who from i am single ive never trusted another guy! and i dont really remember how i exscaped from my brother but i did and live now in total secracy i can barley stand to go outside.

-Anonymous

Emily's Story

It was my third week of college. I had never lived away from home before and I was so excited to be starting over. I got drunk and ended up in a dorm room with a bunch of friends. It got to be really late--around four thirty and I was falling asleep sitting up. He was a good friend of mine so when he took me to his room to get a drink of water I didn't think anything of it. I laid down on the bed and shut my eyes. I heard him walk in behind me and shut the door and I heard it lock. That little click should have set off some sort of alarm in my head but it didn't. I must have passed out or just fallen asleep because I woke up with him on top of me. I froze for a minute. I kept thinking, "he just doesn't know. he doesn't realize I'm not awake". But when he started to pull at my clothes I had to accept that he knew...he just didn't care. I started fighting him. I said no first, then I pushed him. Finally, I rolled out from under him and off the bed. I might have gotten away too except that I tried to kick him as I moved away. He grabbed me by the ankle and pulled me back. He was mad now. It was like someone had flipped a switch. My friend, the man I trusted was gone and there was a monster in his place. He was so angry. Most of that night is a little fuzzy but the memory of his face at that moment is completely clear. He hit me once, hard. Enough to stun me and make me black out for a few seconds. I was frozen again. He pinned my hands and held me in place as he raped me. I don't think I moved again until it was over. When he was done he got up and got dressed and offered to walk me home. Whatever switch had been flipped before had obviously been flipped back. I pulled on my clothes and ran out. I spent the next few years not sleeping, not eating, not going to class. I just went numb--I didn't cry for nearly a year and a half. Now, as I approach graduation nearly four years later I am filled with regrets. My entire college career has been colored by him. No one here knows what I was like before it happened so in a sense no one knows me at all. That's not to say that I don't like the person I've turned out to be. I just wish I could have taken another path to get here.

Emily