Rape Survivor Poetry

Untitled

a year ago
my life was changed
forever
in an instant
how was i to know?
how was i to keep from happening
what he had put so much
thought into?
my life is not the same
now since that instant
how can i move on?
how can i step forward
into the future
out of the dreams and memories
that haunt me
still
from that instant?
one moment forever
engraved in my mind
changed who i am
to myself and others
who am i now?
i don't know
but i'm not the same
as a year ago
then
before that instant

-Anonymous

Untitled

scream and haller
shout a little louder
but no one will rescue you
his strong arms not only hold you down but to the hopes and dreams you onces clinged to
the moment will only last for a while but will continue in your memory,
for the feeling of guilt and shame will seem to last for eternity.

-Megan

Just Try It

can't believe you have made me like this.
I mean just look at how i used to be.
When i could wonder about carelessly and would always be happy.
Your like a cancer spreading, spreading all over me.
You've took me over once and are you fuck going to do it again.
Cuz if you even try, i swear, i'll put you in your grave, that's where you belong.
Then we'll both be dead, as dead as dead can be.

Ashley

Dead

Do you know what you have done to me?
I doubt it.
While you were locked away safe and sound in your little cell,
my whole world was falling apart.
The second your hand touched me, i died.
People around me don't understand and i don't expect them to,
why should they?
They haven't been raped.
The one special person in my life wants me to go back to the way i used to be.
But he doesn't understand.
I can't.
I'm dead on the inside.
And if i'm dead i can't move on for i am nothing and have nothing to move on to.

Ashely

The Putdown

Have you ever been put down
Have you ever been put down
So far down you have been put out
Like a cigarette butt
And the only ones that will pick you up
Are butt bangers

I have

They tought I was an Export A
Hard and tough
But they are wrong
I am a menthol
Cool and clean

Rosabelle

Untitled

The pains not in between my legs anymore
It’s when I close my eyes when I’m alone in my room
Crying
And I can’t tell anyone why
It’s the little girl or boy I
Almost
Bore to a man who knew not my name

Do you think I’ll go to hell for this?
Do I really want to go to a
Heaven
Ruled by a God who lets little girls
Bleed because of older boys

He kissed me
Salty kisses of hatred
In places that should have been
Sacred

Tore my clothes off
My soul being undressed
My shouts meaning nothing
Enticing him with every breath

I scrubbed for 2 hours
Later that day in a bath
My mom knocking and knocking on the door
Not noticing
I had lost my world

-Jen

A LITTLE GIRL SET FREE

I AM A LITTLE GIRL THAT FORGOT HOW TO PLAY.
I AM A LITTLE GIRL THAT GOT LOST ON LIFES PATHWAY.

I TELL MYSELF THAT IT IS JUST AS IT SHOULD BE,
BECAUSE NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO REALLY LOVE ME.

IS IT LOVE? IS IT PAIN?
FROM ALL OF THIS WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY GAIN?

IS THIS LIFE? IS THIS GOD'S PLAN?
LORD, WHY CAN'T I FIND A CALM DECENT MAN?

A CYCLE HAS BEGUN WILL THIS BE THE ONE?
IS THIS THE CYCLE THAT MEANS THAT MY PAIN WILL SOON BE DONE?

I CLOSE MY EYES AND I CRY,"LORD WHY ME?"
THIS IS NOT THE CYCLE THAT STARTED TODAY BUT ONE THAT STARTED WHEN I WAS THREE.

"ISN'T SHE CUTE? SHE'S DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL," THEY WOULD SAY.
COULD NO ONE SEE THE TERROR? COULD NO ONE SEE THE FRIGHT?
COULD NO ONE SEE INTO MY ROOM AT NIGHT?

THERE I WOULD LIE,
AWAKE AND ALERT.
THE CREAK OF THE FLOOR,
HIS WHISPERS, "HOW'S DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL TONIGHT?"

THEN IT WOULD START THAT CYCLE OF SHAME.
IT WAS ALL MY FAULT WHO ELSE COULD I BLAME?

NOW I AM TWENTY-THREE,
THAT TIME SEEMS SO LONG AGO TO ME.

UNTIL I HEAR THE CREAK OF THE FLOOR.
I PRAY THAT THIS WILL BE IT WHEN MY FIANCES RAGE I SHALL FEEL NO MORE.

I CRY WHERE NO ONE HEARS.
THIS IS WHAT I LEARNED OVER THE YEARS.
HIDING IN SHAME MY HURTS AND TEARS.

"LORD HELP ME," I SHOUT.
THERE MUST BE A WAY OUT.

I TOLD A NEIGHBOR AND SHE COMFORTED ME.
SHE TOLD ME THAT THIS IS NOT THE WAY THAT IT SHOULD BE.

FROM DEEP WITHIN I FOUND THE COURAGE TO BELIEVE,
FROM THIS HELL I COULD FLEE.

ALL IT TOOK WAS JUST ONE THOUGHT.
IN MY PRISON I WAS NO LONGER CAUGHT.

IF JUST ONE THOUGHT COULD SET ME FREE,
COULD YOU COME AND TAKE THAT STEP WITH ME?

JOY

Under A Rock

Every sound
movement
unexpected touch
is a child's "bump in the night,"
reminders,
paranoia...

An attempt to close eyes,
force self into oblivion,
shroud self in silence...

is weak,
a failure,
overwhelming...

The smell.
fear
shadow
sound.
remains everywhere...

behind shut eyes,
closed doors,
wet sheets...

soaked with unstoppable tears,
sweat of frustration;
of anger;
of fear;

of HIM.

Erica

Listen With Your Heart To The Children Weeping

Listen with your heart to the children who are lonely and scared they need you to listen for their stories to be heard.

Listen with your heart and give the children comfort and love to help mend the children's many hurts.

Listen with your heart to the children sadly weeping, they live a life of hell of abuse and are to petrified to tell.

Listen with your heart their stories they need to tell as they go on in their nighmare shaken, torn, broken despair is their only view, that the children who are/or have been abused need to share with you.

Listen with your heart, have patience and understanding, the offer of comfort and love and together you can mend the children's broken hearts, begin to heal their many hurts to give them a bright and sunlit sky maybe with sparkling rainbows to brighten their view...

Maria September 2002

The Adopted Angel

Have you ever looked into your fathers eyes,
Knowing that if he could, he would kill you?

I have.