Men Can Help Prevent Sexual Assault

Rape is not a woman's problem. It is everyone's problem. Whether or not we know it, everyone knows survivors of sexual violence. I am very open about having been raped, which often leads other women to tell me about being raped and men to tell me about having been sexually abused. If you are a man who is here to learn more, I hope that you will take a look at these suggestions. It is my opinion that we must not consider men to be part of the problem, but instead, part of the solution. Ultimately, it is men who must stop rape, since rapists are primarily men.

Suggestions for Men Who Want to Prevent Rape

First of all, I encourage you to take responsibility for your actions.
When you are being intimate with a partner, new or old, please pay attention to her. If she says no, she means it. If she does not say no, but seems uncomfortable, stiffens herself, is crying, shielding her body from your touch, or any other number of reactions these are all signs of lack of consent. Stop and ask her if she is okay. I do not mean to condescend, but I have met so many women who have been raped when they did not say no, but did indicate lack of consent in one of these ways. Read Confessions of a Date Rapist to understand what I mean.

Communicate
Please communicate with your sexual partners. If you want to have sex, it will never hurt to ask if what you are doing is okay and you will know that you did the right thing.

Sometimes people are not capable of consenting.
People who are intoxicated, high, underage or developmentally delayed cannot consent. Of course, if you have had sex with your partner many times before, you have not raped her if you've had sex while one or both of you are intoxicated, but please do not chose to become intimate with someone the first time when either one of you is intoxicated. If you are not sure if your partner is underaged, call your rape crisis center or visit Age of Consent to find out. *Note: That site may have links to sexually explicit sites.

Speak your mind!
If you here people talking about women in a derogatory manner, tell them what you really think. Women are entitled to respect. If people joke about rape, enlighten them about the horrors of rape and the years of healing it takes to recover. Ask them to name four women they care about. One women out of four will be the victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime and that person will not get to chose which one it will be.

Support the women in your life.
Let the women in your life know that you are anti-rape. Just speaking out about it will encourage more women to come forward and begin the healing process. In addition, look out for them. If a female friend is intoxicated at a fraternity party, keep an eye on her. Offer to walk your female friends home or to their cars at night. It is unfortunate that these precautions must be taken, but it is reality.

Volunteer at your local crisis center.
My boyfriend and I volunteer together. They welcomed him as a volunteer. Some women just feel more comfortable talking to men and the crisis center was glad to have him. Volunteering is difficult and can be upsetting, so if you aren't up for that, consider donating money.

Join Men Can Stop Rape
Consider joining this organization of men who work to stop rape by educating and empowering male youths and the institutions that serve them. They promote gender equality and and promote men's ability to be strong without violent. I especially love their, "My strength is not for hurting." campaign.

Form your own anti-rape organization.
These organizations are really effective and are gaining popularity. If you are on a college campus or in a town without an organization for men who want to promote non-violence, consider forming one. Contact your local rape crisis center or Men Can Stop Rape to find out how.

Start a fundraiser or awareness campaign.
Start a fundraiser for your local rape crisis center or start your a Take Back the News campaign in your town.

Start your own website.
You can do this through Tripod for free.

Email me