When I decided to create this site, I knew that I wanted to use the graphic above, created by my dear friend Troy, for this section. Many men who have been sexually victimized have expressed to me their feelings of isolation.
You are not alone
Contents
Stereotypes | Myths | Resources
If you are a man coming here looking for information, I am impressed. It takes particular courage for men to acknowledge sexual abuse and begin to heal from it. Since I speak openly about my rape, many many men have disclosed to me their own abuse. I met one man, in his mid-thirties who had told only one other person about the abuse he experienced as a boy. That is a long time to keep silent about such a deep wound. Complicating healing for men are stereotypes perpetuated by our societies. Sexual abuse is often felt as more shameful when it occurs to a man. As a result, many men never speak out or begin to heal from it only when the aftermath becomes overwhelming.
Healing can be particularly difficult for men because it is often more difficult to talk about sexual assault due to the prevalent myths and stereotypes about masculinity. This should not be the case. If you are trying to heal, I applaud your bravery.
These are only some of the stereotypes many men feel they must live up to. It is unfortunate that this is so, because they affect all men, not only survivors.
Male survivors are also hampered by myths concerning sexual abuse.
Men are not victims of sexual abuse.
Yes they are. One out of six boys will be sexually abused by the time he is eighteen.
Men are not raped.
Again, yes they are. Although men are not raped at the same frequency as women, it is not nearly as uncommon as we think.
A man cannot be raped by a woman.
Yes they can. It is not spoken of much, but men can be raped. For instance, when a teenager is underaged, sexual relations with someone above the age of consent is illegal.
In addition, women can rape by using threats, coercion or by drugging a man. If a man is intoxicated, he is also unable to give consent.
If a boy is sexual abused by a woman, it's really just a sort of initiation. He should consider himself to be lucky.
Coercion are often used when sexual abuse occurs and the child usually knows that something is wrong and internalizes that feeling of wrongness. This is the case no matter what the sex of the abuser.
Men who are raped or sexually abused by men are gay.
No, they are men who have been victimized.
If he enjoyed it, it was not abuse.
Yes it was. It is not unusual for bodies to experience some degree of pleasure. Often, this is more emotionally upsetting than physical pain. Physical sensations do not negate the emotional damage by done to survivors in any way.
MaleSurvivor Offers a newsletter, message board, chat, and opportunities for retreats with other survivors.
Prison Rape
Men and Sexual Trauma
Resources for Men Who Have Been Raped
AMSOSA Adult Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse - was Male Survivors Swindon; great resource
Pandora's Aquarium A message board for male and female survivors. Has a private forum for male survivors.
Stories from male survivors of domestic violence Domestic violence does not only affect women. Men too can be victims of partner abuse.
Incest Survivors Exchange, P.O. Box 3399, New Haven, CT 06515: A forum for male and female survivors to share thoughts, poetry, art, and writing.
P.L.E.A. (Prevention, Leadership, Education, Assistance) 356 West Zia Road, Santa Fe, NM 87505, (505) 982-9184: Specifically for non-offending male survivors
Incest Survivors Anonymous P.O. Box 5613, Long Beach, CA 90805 (213) 428-5599: Includes all other Anonymous groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous. This organization has many local chapters and provides meetings, support groups and other confidential services.
Please mail me with suggestions or links for this page.
