Surviving To Thriving: Healing for Rape and Sexual Assault Survivors

Return to Surviving to Thriving: A site for rape and sexual abuse survivors

Links to General Healing Topics

Reactions to Sexual Assault

Coping with Triggers, Panic Attacks and Flashbacks

Telling

Feeling Better

Sexual Healing

Coping with Anniversaries

Aphrodite Wounded
A site for survivors of partner rape

Lis' page on
Post Traumatic Stress

Vital information for rape and sexual assault survivors

Healing is a continuous process. Sometimes a struggle. Rape affects all parts of one's life and being, and one has to work continually to become whole and intact. Pieces of myself are slowly coming together. I am different, but I accept that. I still have flashbacks, but I know strategies for handling them. ...I have control over my life.

-Charlotte Pierce Baker, author of Surviving the Silence

Healing is very difficult, but living in peace with yourself and what happened to you is achievable. I felt a fury of emotions and I wondered if I'd ever make it out of the black hole my life had become. Sometimes, people told me that I was strong and brave and I could not understand why, because I was such a mess. However, I've realized that strength is not the absence of confused and frightening emotions. Feeling despair, anger and all manner of confusing emotions after sexual assault or any life crisis is natural and to be expected. Strength does not lie in not feeling them. Instead strength lies in facing your feelings and sitting with them to truly experience and understand them. I had to redefine my own beliefs about bravery, too. How could I consider myself brave, when I was terrified I would spend the rest of my life feeling this way? Bravery, I've realized, is not the absence of fear. It is following your healing path, even if it fills you with trepidation. Healing is a huge task and it can seem nearly impossible at times. Trying to heal despite those fears exemplifies courage. If you are here because you want to heal, I hope that you will be able to see yourself as being courageous and strong.

Many of us struggle because friends and family minimize or don't believe our stories. If this has happened you, I am terribly sorry. I hope you will be able to affirm yourself because you certainly do deserve to heal. Check out what I have written on minimization. We are never selfish or silly for wanting to heal. We are people wanting to feel better.

Sexual assault and abuse can affect many facets of the survivor's life, which is why healing is such a challenging prospect. My local sexual assault crisis center provided a place where I could sort out my feelings with an objective listener and then with a group of survivors who understood. To find a counselor near you, try RAINN's online database of sexual assault crisis centers. Their services are often free and include support groups as well as other opportunities to heal. This list is by no means exhaustive; if you cannot locate a center near you, try looking in your local yellow pages or trying a larger search engine like Google.

Recovering from sexual assault and finding ourselves and happiness is difficult. Sometimes it might feel as though you are not going anywhere, but with hard work, it does get easier. You can feel whole again, and even the parts that feel broken can be made stronger. The best advice I can give you is to follow your own path. You are the the one who can decide what will work for you. Friends and family might offer suggestions and ideas or think that they know what is best for you, but only you can decide what will help you heal.

Just the other day, I was talking to a woman who had recently victimized. I found myself wishing that I could pull a healing road map out of the packet of information the crisis center gives me to pass along to survivors. Unfortunately that road map doesn't exist; it's up to you to create your own. Healing is possible and you can make yourself a stronger, more complete person during the process. It is true that parts of you may be irretrievably changed, but I hope as you heal you will begin to appreciate some of the changes you have chosen to make in your life and yourself. You have many survivors with you in spirit as you walk your path.

Please Mail me with suggestions for this section of the site.