Surviving to Thriving: Coping and Feeling Better After Sexual Assault

Surviving to Thriving: Healing from Rape, Sexual Assault and Child Sexual Abuse or Incest

Healing and Coping

Healing from rape and sexual abuse is a very personal journey for all of us. Some people chose therapy, while others use alternative methods, like massage or body work. Following our own paths and making our own choices as we proceeed is incredibly important. These ideas have worked for me, but they may not work for everyone. You can write about your healing here.

Contents

Healing Ideas | Questions | Getting Through The Day | Websurfing Fun | Share Your Healing Ideas

Healing Ideas

Find a counselor at your sexual assault crisis center or a therapist who is experienced in working with the survivors of sexual violence.

Join a support group. You can do this online at Pandora's Aquarium or through your local sexual assault crisis center. I joined a support group about three months after I was raped and am still active at Pandora's.

Buy The Courage to Heal, a workbook for survivors, by Laura Davis. Although it was specifically created for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, it has a lot to offer for all survivors.

Take good care of yourself. This includes eating three times a day, even if you don't feel like it and trying to get enough sleep.

Examine the resources you have within yourself. You've probably been through a different crisis. What strengths did you use to get through that?

Focus on the positive. What healing steps have you taken so far? Congratulate yourself on them. Healing is hard, hard work.

Engage in the activities that scare you, if they are safe. If you are finding yourself frightened to do what you used to, evaluate them and if they seem to be safe, try doing them.

Buy Tori Amos's "Little Earthquakes." Listening to that CD always reminds me that I am not alone. Check out Surviving the Memories where Donna has suggestions to healing music.

Find a rock and carry it. It sounds so silly, but holding a rock when I'm triggered helps me feel grounded. Email me and I will mail you one.
Journal. Scribbling your thoughts down madly really does help. My friend Jackie rereads the journal she kept for the year following her rape on her anniversaries to see how far she's come and then writes in it about the healing she's done over the year.

Find a place that relaxes you and visit often. I love the water, so I spent countless hours by my parent's pond. Other people love their bedrooms or their own back yards.

Create artwork about your feelings. I'm not artistic, so I used fingerpaints.

Write letters to whoever has hurt you. It could be your abuser or the people who failed to protect you or the people whose reactions wounded you.

Take self defense courses. It may help you feel safe and more in charge.

Many people find that taking yoga classes helps to relieve stress levels.

Channel your anger. I run when I feel angry. Other people throw eggs at trees, hit a punching bag or pillow, or listen to angry music.

Healing Questions

What is good in my life?
What accomplishments have I made in life and in healing?
How do I affirm myself?
How do I belittle myself?
Where do I find my self-esteem?
What has this done to my self esteem?
What do I need from others to heal?
What do I need and am not getting?
What am I getting?
How can I find support, if I am lacking?
What inner resources can I rely on?
What are my coping mechanisms?
Which ones are healthy coping mechanisms? Which aren't?
What makes me angry?
Where do I direct that anger?
How can I safely express my anger?
What are my hopes in healing?
How can I realize those hopes?

Healing is hard work! Sometimes we just need to make it through a rough day or a rough couple of moments. Although working on healing is necessary, we all can use the occasional distraction.

Pick up some light reading, whatever it is you enjoy.

Rent a movie. Sometimes, when I am feeling so down that I can't focus on reading, I get lost in a good movie.

Guard your health. Healing work is stressful and can leave us more susceptible to illness. Try to eat at each mealtime even if you don't feel hungry. A good multi-vitamin can help protect you from illness also.

Exercize. When I feel awful, exercize honestly feels worse, but at least I can focus on something else for a bit.

Pamper yourself. Even if it's only putting on a pretty lipstick, or having a bath, it can pick up your spirits

Change things. Change can bring renewal. For instance, rearranging furniture can be a distraction and feel rejuvenating.

Paint a room in your house in a color that relaxes and soothes you.

Take a long drive.

Hit things with a pillow.

Volunteer at your local humane society or hospital. Giving to others is a distraction and will help you feel good about yourself.

Start a website! You can do this for free by going to Yahoo Geocities or you can register a domain name at Doteasy, a service that also provides free hosting.

Allow yourself the occasional pity party. You deserve one, so go ahead and give yourself permission to feel sorry for yourself.

Make a cup of tea. When I'm feeling anxious or stressed, I like Celestial Seasoning's Tension Tamer and when I can't sleep I'll make a cup of Sleepytime Extra.

Be with people when you want to. When you don't, take the time you need for yourself.

Bring life into your living space. Pick up plants, flowers or find a pet to keep you company.

Take a walk. During the dark days, I'll take my dog for countless walks. It's just soothing.

Listen to Tori Amos. When I feel alone, listening to her gives me hope.

Write what you are feeling. Write a letter, write in a journal. Scribbling madly does take some of the pain away.

Spend time outdoors, in a place where you feel comfortable. When I am upset, I sometimes find myself at the ocean.

Most importantly, don't be afraid to feel bad. Bad feelings usually have something to teach us about ourselves. Getting to know ourselves and the way we feel can be really scary, but it's necessary to heal.

Websurfing can be a great distraction.

The Onion

Urban Legend Reference Page

Test Galore!

Bored?