For a long time, I felt as though being a rape survivor was the most important aspect of my life; healing was hard, all-encompassing work. But I am a multi-faceted person, who is so much more than a survivor of rape. I have many interests, friends and passions, as does each visitor of this site.
I am me. I am a terrific cook, but a horrible housekeeper. I swear a lot. I quit smoking. I am a good writer and a really poor poet and can't make sense of math to save my life. I am a summer person. I hate winter. I am a vegetarian. I am quiet, but not shy. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love clothes and can't stick to one style. I watch football and understand it. I don't leave the house without putting on perfume. I procrastinate. I say what's on my mind. I am a scarily good liar, but I rarely do that. Blue is my favorite color. I'm an avid reader and I could never, ever decide on my favorite book. I only sleep about five hours a night. I love to travel. I take my vitamins. I hate driving around to look for a parking place. I always catch colds in September. I love brussel sprouts and hate lima beans. I am responsible and punctual. I put more pressure on myself than others put on me. I am addicted to PepsiOne. I drive a convertible. I am organized. I rarely watch TV, unless it is Survivor or football. I hate going to the doctor with a passion. I like my toenails to be painted at all times, including winter. I hate talking on the phone. I have a dog named Inka. I am close with my family. And I am tired of writing this.
Why did you decide to make this site?
After I was raped, I needed to know that I was not alone and that I could heal.
Shannon of Welcome to Barbados and Lis of Escaping Hades.
helped me heal with their sites. This site is in tribute to them and the wonderful people who post at Pandora's Aquarium.
It is important to me to continue the work they began.
Do you really believe it is possible to thrive after rape or sexual abuse?
Yes, I do. It takes hard work, patience, support and time, but it is possible to live a happy and fulfilled life. I think that I do!
I need to talk to someone now!
If you live in the United States, please call RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or 1-800-SUICIDE for suicide prevention. I do not have a comprehensive listing of
international sexual crisis hotlines, but Befriender's International has a thorough listing of suicide crisis hotlines.
When No One Knows Your Pain is a good website if you are feeling depressed or are becoming suicidal. You are very important. This does get hard, but you can get through it and there are people who want to work with you as you do.
I know you in real life. Can I tell you that I visited your site?
That depends. If you can bring it up in the proper setting and manner, then that's fine. However, if you are a scary stalker who was trying to find information about me, then I'm probably going to think that you are terrifying and will not want to talk to you about this site or about anything else.
Can I email you?
Of course! My email is jes@survivingtothriving.org. I appreciate all of the email I get, but sometimes I am overwhelmed and busy.
Please be patient, or just email me again if you don't get a prompt response. However, I cannot do your "rape research." Please, if you have a question, look around for answers. Call the center nearest you.
Also, please don't ask me if you were raped. I don't know! I wasn't there. I can talk to you about the way you feel, but I can't define your experience for you.
I need to talk to other survivors!
If you want to talk to people face-to-face, I hope you'll consider joining a support group in your area, or forming your own.
There are also places you can connect online. For a big support group, try the Pandora's Aquarium and for a smaller group, we have two mailing lists for you to chose from.
In addition, you can visit the chat room
Do you need help maintaining the site?
I enjoy doing this! But if you want to help out, why don't you fill out one of the forms scattered about the site, about your personal experiences? It can be kept anonymous if you like.
I really feel that people will benefit the most if they can read a different perspectives and ideas from survivors.
Can I link to you?
Of course! You can find banners here. If you'd like a reciprocal link, fill out the form here.
Can I include some of the writing on your site on my own?
Please link to me instead. I've worked awfully hard on this site! You can link to particular pages if you'd like.
Are you available to talk to/be interviewed for my project?
Usually, yes. Email me at jes@survivingtothriving.org and I'll let you know.
Age?
Occupation?
Pets?
Hobbies?
Passions?
Favorite music?
What are you wearing?
What's your computer wallpaper?
What's the craziest thing you've ever done?
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Pet peeves?
Favorite foods?
Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
PepsiOne or Diet De-Caf Pepsi. A can of chemicals, I know.
Favorite alcoholic drink?
First thought in the morning?
Best feeling in the world?
Worst feeling in the world?
Your idea of perfect happiness?
Who do you most despise?
Trait you like in others?
Trait you like in yourself?
Trait you deplore in others?
Trait you deplore in yourself?
Words to live by? Anyone you want to say hi to?
Email me if you have another question!
New York and I'm not sharing more than that.
I teach learning disabled children at a private school. I also attend graduate school and volunteer.
I have a tortoiseshell cat named Boo Radley
I love to read, relax with friends, cook vegetarian food, sleep, run, spend time on the water and play on the computer.
Activism, clothes, pyjamas, and good wine
My taste is eclectic. Tori, Coltrane, Metallica. I like it all.
A sweater, black velvet leggings and my ecnica boots. Standard winter outfit.
An Elvis magnet that I scanned into my computer. He's wearing pink satin and kind of looks like an apple.
Flew to Peru, alone, to meet a man I'd been dating for...a total of one week.
Too many to count. I lose my keys and glasses a lot though.
I have many. People who talk to much particularly annoy me though. Also people who try to use original writing on this site and call it their own get me pretty bent out of shape.
Lobster and clam chowder. I'm from New England!
Beer or red wine
It's sooo early!
Joy
Despair
Doesn't exist and that's as it should be. Discomfort makes people move.
I don't despise people. But I do despise some traits in people, like intolerance and narrow-mindedness.
Humor
Determination
Intolerance
I'm aquisitive.
Why do things halfway?
Yep. Special thanks go to many, but in particular:
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